Let you go | changjin

21. Letting go

Changbin felt his tense muscles relax once the warm water started running down his body. With a sigh, he threw his head back and let the water cascade down his cheeks. He didn't want to think about anything; especially not about Jennie preparing pancakes for her biological son and ex-husband downstairs.

He had been really foolish to make himself believe he was okay with Hyunjin staying in touch with the girl for the sake of their child. He knew that the reason why he always acted so selfless was because he was never good enough for him. At least that's what he believed. It wasn't Hyunjin's fault though. He had always been a loving boyfriend.

And maybe that was what really scared him. Hyunjin had always looked only at him; loved him and prioritised him, and Changbin was terrified he would meet his cold and distant eyes once he realized that he wasn't anyone special one day. The fear was paralysing.

Shutting his eyes, he leaned his forehead against the wall and memories flooded his mind. He was his teen self. It was their first date. They were wandering around the venue where the summer festival was being held.

"Hyun-Hyunjin?" he stuttered, feeling the warmth of the younger's hand in his.

"I'm not letting you get lost today," he smiled giving his hand a playful squeeze.

Changbin shyly intertwined their fingers and let the younger lead. They walked from stall to stall, buying and eating all kinds of festive snacks. Hyunjin was holding his hand for almost the whole evening, only letting go of it to wipe food off his lips.

When the night fell, they found a nice viewing spot far away from the hustle and bustle of the festival. Waiting for the fireworks, Changbin turned his head to marvel at the younger secretly. Hyunjin was beautiful. His face looked as if it had been carved by some divine power. His flawless skin, his soft, plump lips, his small nose, his dark-chocolate orbs, the tiny mole under his eye, every aspect of him was perfect.

The first firework exploded and lit up the night sky, colouring Hyunjin's face red for a second. Changbin wondered how someone so perfect had fallen in love with someone like him. Hyunjin was always surrounded by pretty girls with soft, glossy hair, delicate features and petite frames. He always pictured him with one of those girls.

There was also that one freckled boy with long blond hair and sparkly blue eyes who seemed really close to him. It was clear the boy was infatuated with Hyunjin. Yet, the younger picked him from all of the people he could have. Changbin's heart fluttered and his chest bloomed with warmth.

Hyunjin turned his head and their gazes met. His dark-chocolate orbs held so much love and softness in them that it made his head spin as if he was drunk. He did not say anything. He just smiled and leaned in for a kiss.

Changbin put his hand on his chest. His heart was beating loudly like that day. He had to remind himself it was only a distant memory, and once he did, his heart calmed down and an overwhelming feeling settled in his stomach. He wasn't his young, foolish self nor was Hyunjin.

Not wanting to dwell on it further, he finished taking a shower and put on something comfy. When he walked downstairs, Jennie was already leaving. He only caught a glimpse of her hugging Hyunjin before walking out the door. He wanted to think nothing of the friendly action, but it made him irritated.

“Mommy! You are finally done,” Minseok's cheerful voice caught his attention. “Let's watch Anna and Elsa!” he grabbed his pinky and tugged on it.

Changbin glanced at the back of Hyunjin's head, trying to swallow his disappointment, and mustered a tiny smile.

“You mean Frozen, baby?” he asked gently grabbing the boy's hand. Minseok nodded energetically. “Okay, then Frozen it is!” Changbin chuckled and helped him get on the sofa.