Running From The Flames

Therapy

The moment Adelaide was asleep I opened my laptop and fired an email through to my psychologist. Considering how much she had earned from my family over the years, I wasn't surprised to see a link for a zoom call come through within ten minutes. Ever since I escaped Erik's clutches Dr Shirley Pascoe had been there to help me take back my control and unravel the tangled thoughts in my head so I could be the mother that Adelaide deserved. She was an innocent child and I would not hold her accountable for her father's actions, even when it was hard.

The zoom call connected and Dr Pascoe's face appeared with the monotone grey walls of her office filling the background. I knew Addie wouldn't be asleep for too long and didn't want to waste the time we had on pleasantries so cut right to the chase.

"I met someone today," I started vaguely, feeling as if I were confessing to a priest and not my therapist. "He was nice and friendly but I completely froze up when he touched my knee."

Shirley waited for me to continue or maybe the internet froze for a moment but finally she spoke with that irksome serene tone she had perfected. "And how were you feeling before he touched you? Was it a welcomed touch?"

"I...was comfortable."

"That's good, what about when he touched your knee?"

"It made me feel something I didn't expect, something I haven't felt since Erik - that's when I kind of freaked out."

Shirley wrote on her notepad like she did when I saw her in person, her grey bob cut swaying with the cursive writing. "Why do you think that is?"

"I don't know," I huffed and picked at my freshing painted nails before sighing as she waited for the truth. "I felt like I could trust him, talk to him, you know? But I thought I could trust Erik too. What if I'm making another mistake or just have terrible instincts with men?"

"Your instincts saved your life," she reminded me as she closed the notebook. "Unfortunately in life we all make mistakes, some not as insignificant as others, but we still learn from them. We have spent almost three years building tools to cope with the trauma you survived but a fundamental step is to trust in yourself and the work you have put in to get you to this point. Ask yourself this, would your day have been better or worse if you didn't interact with this man?"

I frowned at the question thinking it was so obvious that of course it was better having talked to Pierre. He had made me smile, and Addie too. I even liked the warmth of his hand before my flight mode was triggered.

Then I realised that if I applied that question to other men I had spoken to in the last two years that answer did not have the same result. The surprise must have shown on my face because Shirley chuckled. "This progress is good, Brianna. I would like to schedule you in for an appointment when you come home and I would like an update on what you did with this realisation."

I was still a little stunned but managed to agree to a time and date that I would be back in London and closed the laptop lid. A vibration in my pocket had me pulling out my phone and I opened it to find an unsaved number had texted me. My immediate reaction was to delete the message thinking it was spam but when I saw it had my name I opened it.

Unknown: Hey Brianna, it's Pierre. I just wanted to thank you for the Bonjela, you were right, it does work miracles.

Me: Glad it helped. I can't have the star of my favourite team worrying about anything except the car during the big race.

Pierre: I'm also sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier, it was not my intention. You think I'm the star?

Me: I've seen your stats, Gasly. Otmar may not play favourites with his drivers but the stats don't lie.