In A Relationship With TXT Beomgyu

23 | I Know How To Hate

I got it a lot from other people that I had sharp features. That my cold face could make someone pee in their pants. So I tried to smile as much as I could. I wanted people to be comfortable with my presence, but three years into the industry, and I knew I have to stop trying.

I wanted to make people uncomfortable, and for that I stopped smiling. Everyone had gotten too comfortable otherwise. I had to tell them who I was. Leader of Midnight Blues. The one who had survived the intense training of almost nine years and all the shit people threw at my face.

"I heard Beomgyu was supposed to co-host, but he refused to share stage with her." Some idols were gossiping, and I paused on my way.

"Ah, good for him. She looks like a bitch anyways. Full of attitude. I don't know what she thinks of herself."

"Right?" The other one said. "I mean, she's not even pretty. Just a scary monster with symmetrical face. Her nose is always up in air. Arrogant. Beomgyu Sunbae showed her place to her."

They laughed, and I took a deep breath and relaxed my shoulders. I turned around the corner, and leaned against the wall. The girls jumped when saw me and started bowing. "You should try keeping your head straight and nose up. It helps with the posture," I said.

Then I walked in between them, and stopped again. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw their paled faces and smiled. "It's an honor to be in my company or share stage with me. Got it?"

I went to the rehearsals room. Jake was already there, going through the script with Yeonjun. I bowed to both of them. It was weird between Yeonjun and me, but he didn't comment anything. Just went over the lines with me politely, and then excused himself as he had rehearsals.

"Ae-Cha." Jake glanced at me and then looked down. His hands went to his coat's pocket and he pulled out a packet of dark chocolate. "I-uh... You like it, and I was buying mint chocolate for Sunoo, so here."

My eyes went to his extended hand and then to him. "Sunbae, thank you," I said, genuinely touched. "That's so sweet of you. Thank you so much." I smiled shyly and he scratched the back of his head.

"It's no big deal." His cheeks colored. "I hope it cheers you up. And, don't be formal again. We're Australian gang, go with my name."

"Thanks Jake." I grinned and his smile broadened. I sat beside him and unwrapped the chocolate. "Do you want some?"

He cleared his throat. "Uh not really." He really tried to be polite about his disgust with the dark chocolate. This brand was specially extra bitter. He really did try to hide though, but it was visible on his face.

"Calm down, I won't force you." That relaxed him, and he blew out a breath. I couldn't help myself, I burst out laughing.

Jake started laughing too, and just then the door opened. It was as if the temperature dropped to minus. Beomgyu entered the room, he smiled at Jake and gave me a slight nod. "Hyung left this here." He grabbed the phone from the table, and gave us a thumbs up. "Go back to whatever you guys were doing."

"Hyung, sit with us for a minute." Jake didn't feel the hostility Beomgyu had for me. Not everyone in the industry knew everything. It was between him and me.

Beomgyu glanced at me. I slightly shook my head, wanting him to leave. He refused MC job, so he shouldn't be here at all. His jaw clenched and he forced a smile. "Okay. I can give spare a minute," he said as he came to sit with us.

I curled my fingers against the chocolate and lowered my head, but then stopped. No. I couldn't be coward. Not anymore. I had made my bed. I would sleep in it as well. "Sunbae, chocolate?" I offered casually.

"No. Thank you." He stared at me.

I shrugged, and felt thirsty so I got up but my knees buckled. Jake held my hand, his other hand on my shoulder as he balanced me. My eyes fell on Beomgyu, he didn't meet my gaze. Instead, his eyes transfixed on the spot where Jake was holding me. Slowly he looked up and I gulped at the emotion he showed. It scared me. At once I got on my feet, and thanked Jake before going out for a water bottle.

I hadn't even reached halfway when Beomgyu grabbed my hand. "Stop playing with Jake. Don't smile at him." He came in front of me when I didn't say anything. "Anyone can fall for your charms. I want you to spare Jake the pain you made me go through."

My throat tightened. "Stop acting like you loved me or anything-"

"I did. I loved you." His thumb massaged the back of my hand unconsciously. "But you're a shell of a person, and I realised it too late." A sad smile covered his face. "Really. Nothing can break your cold exterior. Too cold. Too much ice."

"You're hurting me," I whispered.

He stepped forward. "Really? You get hurt? That's a relief. My work is done here then."

"Beomgyu." I held on his wrist before he slipped through my fingers. "You're not this person. Don't be like this. Don't change yourself because of me. You're not a cruel per-"

"For you, I'm this person, Ae-Cha." He got onto my face, and I stopped breathing. My eyes widened. "You've hurt me to no extent and I want to return the favor. It's a debt."

"Someone can see you standing this close to me." I gulped when he cupped my cheek, but it wasn't his usual warm touch.  Cold. That was what it felt like. His touch reminded me of the coldest of nights, and I hated it.

"Let them see how close you know me. How deeply I know you," his breath brushed my skin and I shivered. "Let them wonder what have happened between us to get you this comfortable with me that if I were to kiss you now, you won't resist me."

"Beomgyu, stop it." I turned my face away.

"Why? You want redemption, no? You want to share screen with me, so people think all is good in the world. After making me a butt of jokes, Ji Ae-Cha is ready to turn on the new leaf."

"I didn't give any statement -"

"Don't do this. Don't make me look like a fool. I know that 'I don't know Beomgyu' was a leaked news. You were a part of this whole charade, and you know what hurts the most? That you went for it. No reason could justify you not choosing me, but I accepted it too, so why are you trying to come back-"

"I'm not trying anything." I pulled his hand off me, and stepped back. "I'm a professional person, and if they selected me to be MC. I would do the job. Doesn't matter who is there with me."

Beomgyu chuckled bitterly. "Ofcourse. Of course." He shook his head and left from there. "Ae-Cha." He stopped and I lifted my head, ready for whatever he had to say. "Just so you know. I hate you."

I watched him disappear around the corner, and blinked my eyes. It was done. It was alright. I could live with his hatred. It was okay.

It had to be.