"Fangirl"

Chapter Twelve: This Again

So, now it had been a few months since the incident. Bobby was locked behind bars, our band had our own record deal and a few concerts coming up, and William and I hadn't talked since what happened. 

I was depressed. My band members didn't exactly care, which was tough, but I was really wondering what had happened. Me and William still texted a bit, but there wasn't much else going on.

I was still deciding what I wanted to do.

He asked me to be his girlfriend again. I said I'd consider it. I really want to, of course. I love him so much...but, after what happened with Bobby, I don't know if I have the mental capacity to date for a while, I  mean...even I know I'm super paranoid, and after the whole kidnapping event, I don't know that I can trust having a boyfriend. This doesn't mean I don't trust William, no...I just...don't trust love. 

But that's not what matters. What really matters today is that I'm in my studio, trying to write a song for my next album. But all I can do is tap my pen and think about William. 

He's the only thing on my mind. 

I slammed my head down on the desk and screamed. Why does this man take up so much space in my small brain?! 

I decided to do the only thing I thought I could. 

Call Ivy. 

"Uh...hey." I said, my voice was trembling. I hadn't slept in a few weeks. I was busy thinking about William. 

"Hey! Are you okay?" She asked. 

"No...I don't feel that great. I've been thinking about William and what he asked me. I'm so confused. I want to be his, I really do...but after what happened...I don't know if I can." 

Ivy sighed. I could feel her disappointment.

"Love, that boy still loves you so much. He's not going to do anything to you, In fact, he'd do the opposite. You better make the right decision...I'm counting on you."

She hung up. Those last words made her sound like she was punishing me. It felt like school all over again. I slammed myself against the wall and sat down. 

Maybe she was right, I did need to make a decision. If I were to make one, it would be the right one...right? I decided that I was going to call William. Tonight, it would have to be tonight. 

I listened to some music on the way home. Queen, as per usual. On the drive I noticed something. 

Annabel...again. This time she had a camera. It flashed right when I drove by. 

I wasn't even in Texas. I was in Washington. Did she know where I lived...or did she just happen to be here? Was it coincidence...was that even Annabel? 

I was too focused on this, that I didn't even notice when I crashed into another car. 

Not the hospital again. 

I laid up in the bed, but this time there was no William, not even Ivy...or Parker. 

I felt like nobody cared about me. I wiped my eyes and looked down. 

I had been in the hospital three times this year. Probably a new record, especially since they were all accidents. My phone was laying next to me, I checked it, expecting at least one or two missed calls...maybe a few texts. 

Nothing. 

I had kissed him, KISSED him, and I still couldn't win him back. Maybe this was my life again. I was a girl, with a band, who went on tour. 

A tragic history, at one point...16 crushes. At another point, a loving boyfriend. Who I broke up with because of a stupid rumor. I grabbed my hair and screamed. 

But no one cared. 

No one came to help me. 

I was discharged a half hour later. I was driven home. 

I felt so depressed. 

I decided to listen to what Ivy told me. 

So, I called William. 

He picked up. 

"Uh...hi." I said. 

"Hey Tessa. Finally gonna answer my question?" He asked. 

"Uh..."

I wanted to say yes. I was planning to say yes. All I could think to do was say "Yes William. I'll be your girlfriend again" but then reality hit me again. If I dated him it might put a bad stain on my reputation, and what if he was just like Bobby? I knew he wasn't...but there was always that possibility he'd kidnap me, and leave me there...I mean...was this his plan all along?

No. I was being paranoid. 

"Hello?" He asked. I had just been on call with him while I thought long and hard about this. 

"Uhm...I can't answer your question..I need more time to think" 

I was about to hang up,but he stopped me. 

"I know what you're thinking. I'm not going to do what Bobby did to you. I'm not using you, I have no reason to. I love you. You don't know how much you mean to me. I mean...I even still loved you after we broke up. It's kind of sad but...I've never dated anyone but you. Tessa...please. I love you so much." 

I smiled. I was going to say yes, but again...I couldn't be sure. Would I really not regret this choice? It's not like he was proposing or anything, but if I dated him I'd never break up with him again. 

"Tessa...whatever choice you make...I'll be fine." 

"I...I don't know" I said, I was on the verge of tears. "I love you too...I love you a lot...I just-" 

Then the call broke up. Absolute worst timing. I laid down on the bed before calling him back. 

No. 

No.

I wasn't going to let this happen. Deep down I knew William wasn't a bad person, I was just anxious. 

Really anxious. 

I had to tell him the truth. What I really wanted, and what would be best for me. 

I sighed, and sat up. 

I called him again, and I started to shake a little. 

I really hoped this was the right decision. 

"Tessa?"

"I've decided William." I said, and I let out a shaky sigh.