Thoughts/Pensées

My type of love

I found out this morning the type of love I want. I was watching videos on TikTok, and there were quotes from smut books where sex is hard and wild, I felt a sexual tension ; but when it wasn't about sex but only about relationship, it kinda disgusted me.

So I arrived to this conclusion : I need to date someone who could be my best friend, in whom I find my best friend. It means that it's somebody with who I can laugh, but also express all my feelings without being judge, with who I can enjoy the good things, be quiet but not awkward, somebody with whom everything is natural and easy, somebody who understands me without knowing it, somebody who isn't broken but understands those who are, somebody nice before everything. I want a relationship where I'm the black cat and he's the golden retriever, where I'm grumpy and he's sunshine, I'm the moonlight and he makes my light and he dies every night for me. But there, sex is wild, but also sensual and exquisite, where he cares about my pleasure and is hard.

I started a fan-fiction about Arthur Leclerc, I'm trying to do so for so long, without ever finding the perfect story. I had the idea of being the hero, I am the one having a relationship with him. And it's never been so natural and easy to write a love story. Arthur Leclerc is everything I'm searching for if I'm searching for anything. I just don't want to be bored, because I get bored so easily. I want to discover things with him and make him discover things, I want to feel free to do anything I want. I want to be able to go to a safari somewhere nobody knows about with him when the decision was taken two hours before the departure. I want that when I'm with him, I feel free and un judged, J laugh and enjoy the moment. I want to be myself when I'm with him, my true self. Because I'm playing a role with everybody, I want him to be the one person with who I'm not hiding. I want the kind of love relationships where we can judge everybody, laugh about anything, enjoy the littlest things. I don't want him to date my family or my friends, but me and only me, I want him to be the only one I trust and can trust, even though it's a bit scary.