Nothing But A Fling

One:

“You should do more than sit in bed all day and sulking.” Grace shook her head in disappointment at me, trying to drag me by my left arm, my body rose slightly before the weight of my lazy limp body overpowered her and I fell back to the bed with a soft thud.

It was evident I found life meaningless, now I had zero interest in things and I was this close to crossing depression.
Might have crossed it, who knows?

I hadn't had a proper shower in weeks or a warm bath, and when I try I end up under the cold water spraying from the shower head, sulking about how badly my relationship ended with Matthew. I felt a little resentful towards him but more toward myself.

My life contrasted greatly with the vibrance, life of colour I once had.

It was beyond depressing.

“Julie,” Grace whined at my lack of interest to do the most basic thing. Even to exist literally as a human being.

“You can't while away your break in this manner, go out, have fun, watch movies or find a new man.“ She settled beside me, her eyes filled with concern.
I felt a tear roll down my cheeks at my horror in Matt's home, no matter how I tried I felt desolate, and I kept replaying my horror repeatedly.

I just need to come to terms with the fact no man would love me the way I want them to.
Maybe I don't deserve good relationships like Anastasia said, keeping in mind she followed up to ensure my relationship with Matt was ruined for nothing.

It hurts so much, I wondered if it was because I added a few extra pounds in my belly region. They made me look unattractive perhaps, or Matthew was never happy with me.
Or Anastasia's pixie cut looked cuter, should I start cutting my shoulder-length hair to my neck and chin?

“Grace, how ugly am I? It must be the weight gain right? I look fat?“I asked most sincerely, tears filling my ears. I felt like crying over again, I knew my eyes and face were swollen I could feel it.
I have been crying for about a week now.

“Oh sweetheart, I wish Matt suffers from multiple STIs for the pain he has cursed you. Even in all of this ..” her hand gestured to my whole shitty look.

I felt wholly shitty as well, I felt disgusted with myself.

“…You are still a hot mess. You still look alluring, I swear I am not complimenting you for the sake of it.“  She swore, her left hand on her chest.
I smiled at her brief attempt to make him laugh. It worked.

Grace has to be my favourite person ever, she was actually. My best support system, a sister that I never had.
Losing both my parent on my eighteenth birthday wasn't the easiest. I moved to the states to stay with my Aunt and to have a college education, Gracie being there made my experience fairly tolerable.
I was a multi-racial child, My mom was a south-east Asian and my dad was biracial from London. Moving to the States as one made my experience more terrifying.
I had thick slightly curly hair one I inherited from my mother, silky brown under bright light. 
I was due for a cut but my breakup with Matthew made me abandon everything self-care.

A smile sprouted on my face at her curse to Matthew, she smiled at well seeing me happy.
“Aww Julie,” she muttered, engulfing me in her arms.
I felt safe and at peace, and my tears flowed more easily.
“It's not your fault he cheated. You can't be faulted for his actions and deeds. He is a grown-ass man, he knows what he did.“

Reason why he won't stop texting and calling, apologizing a million times, even for the little cursing he threw at me when I pushed him.
Asshole.

“I think I get that now. It's time for me to check him out of my life.“  I resolved.