Parents Vs Ninjas

Infiltration

It was still dark when we arrived at the ninja fortress. Luckily, the ride had helped Beth and Hazel fall back to sleep. Beth nuzzled me from the wrap on my chest, and Hazel was hunched over her baby-dolly while strapped to Peter's back like the cutest little ninja backpack. I'd switched out the bo staff for a sturdy broom, a weapon I was far more comfortable with, and I had a few particularly stinky diapers in poppable plastic bags with me to act as grenades if it came to a fight, not to mention fresh diapers and wipes if I needed more ammo. Peter still had his stolen katana, his toolkit, and snacks. We could hold our own if it came to a fight, but with any luck it wouldn't.

After all, before the first ninja had ever donned a robe, parents had already learned the incredible skill needed to put down and sneak away from a sleeping baby and the deadly consequences should such an operation fail. If a nuclear bomb had the ears of a rabbit and was set to explode at the smallest of sounds, it could not be any scarier than a sleeping infant. We might not have been born ready for this mission, but we'd been trained for it by years of parenting. Hopefully that training would be enough. I had to fix my mistake.

The ninja fortress was tall and imposing. It had a gray stone base with white wooden walls, glass windows thin enough to double as arrow-slits and black slate roofs with those cool curved spike things on the corners. There was a set of tall wooden doors with guards at the sides. The doors were open, waiting for us.

I moved to enter the fortress, but Peter grabbed my arm. "Wait a sec!" he whispered. "What's the plan?"

"Step one: sneak into this fortress and rescue our son."

"And step two?"

"Find a way to protect him from ninjas. Permanently."

Silenter than silence itself at its most silentest, we crept into the tall doors of the ninja fortress. Moonlight dimly illuminated the austere wood and stone halls as we snuck stealthily in. We passed drowsing guards, but if they saw us they gave no sign.

Suddenly we heard cries behind us. We turned to find the ninja guards fighting other ninjas! I locked eyes with Peter, and for once, telepathy worked. Whatever else this meant, it looked like secrecy was blown.

I charged further into the fortress just as Peter let out a war cry and raced towards the fighting ninjas.

"Peter! What are you doing?"

He stopped, just as some of the fighters looked in our direction.

"What? Ninjas were attacking. Aren't we going to fight them?"

"No, you idiot! It means that we take advantage of the confusion to find David and get out of here while everyone's distracted!"

Apparently telepathy had failed yet again.

Now both the guards and the other ninjas were running towards us while brandishing weapons. Very unsafe. And so much for that distraction I'd been hoping for.

"Come on!" I yelled and resumed running towards the center of the fortress. We passed branching corridors and doorways, always going further down the main hallway. Secretive people always hide their stuff at the center, right?

We were nearing a stairway at the end of the hallway, but I could hear the ninjas gaining on us. The weight of carrying Beth and Hazel probably wasn't helping. I spun around and hurled a diaper grenade at the ground in front of our pursuers. The plastic bag and the diaper within it exploded, covering the nearest ninjas in poop, not to mention the walls around them. One of them vomited right through her ninja mask. Two of them began screaming and fell writhing to the floor, and the fourth just stared at his poop-splattered self in horror. Those who'd been lucky enough to miss a direct hit backed away from the smell and the carnage. I could see terror in their eyes.

I'm not sure if using diapers in combat is against the Geneva Conventions, but at the moment I didn't care. I would use any means necessary to save my baby.

"Up or down?" asked Peter when we got to the stairs.

"Down, where the secrets are."

Peter gave me a look, then shrugged and headed down the spiral stairs.

Turns out, down was the wrong direction. Give me a break. Just because I'm a mom doesn't give me a special sense of direction. My kid radar is only functional at a range of about 10 meters or less.

Someone had placed ninja-caltrops on the stairs in an effort to cripple us, but we'd had plenty of experience with legos and jumped right over them. We reached the bottom of the stairs just as someone howled up above us and the sounds of thumping and crunching started coming down the stairs.

A guard was waiting for us in front of a wooden door. She fired a blowgun, a dart headed straight for Beth still in the wrap on my chest, but I spun my broom, and it actually managed to deflect her darts until I could get close enough to clock her on the side of the head with my broom handle. Wow! I mean, I've used my broom for a while, even spun it for fun and all, but that move surprised even me!

The door was locked, and the guard didn't have the keys.

"I've always wanted to do this!" whispered Peter, and then sliced the door with his katana so cleanly that nothing happened.

"Wait for it..." he said while grinning, but I didn't have time to wait, so I just kicked the door in.

"Jessie!" wailed Peter. "It was going to be cool!"

I called back while running forward. "We don't have time for cool! We need to save David!"

Behind the door was a room with jail cells with iron bars in the windows. Bingo! There were also some guards, but they didn't scare me.

I ran forward, checking each cell while smacking ninja guards with my broom handle and bristles. One of the guards even helped by knocking himself out with his own nunchucks. Nunchucks are great!

A lady in a fancy dress? No.

A teacher writing on a chalkboard for no discernible reason? Sad, but no.

A pop star? No.

A politician? No.

A giant rabbit in overalls? Weird, but no.

Empty, empty, empty.

Last one...empty!

"He's not here!" I called to my husband, who was busy cutting open doors with his katana. "And you can leave the politician!"

"Good point!"

There were no other exits, so we had to go back up the stairs.

The stairs were covered in oil, with the crumpled forms of the ninjas who'd fallen victim to the caltrops on the ground next to them.

Then there was a woosh as blue fire raced down the stairs and set the oil aflame!

TO BE CONTINUED!