Parents Vs Ninjas

On the Run

Ninjas were attacking us from the shrubbery! After a full evening of nearly constant combat with others like them, it was less surprising than it was annoying. I was getting tired, and if they'd merely been threatening me I might have just laid down and let them kill me. But these ninjas were threatening my kids, and nobody threatens my kids.

I dodged the first bo staff strike and then called back to Hazel and David.

"Okay kids, watch Mommy closely," I said. Might as well teach them how to defend themselves. Maybe if they could watch out for themselves I wouldn't need to be strong enough to protect them.

A ninja leapt at me with twin kunai knives. I brought her hands together in "Time for Prayer," then spun the ninja into her companions with "The Laughing Spin." No chuckles this time, but there was a comedic drop followed by a comedic crunch. And look! There was a bo staff nobody was using! Not as good as my poor trusty broom, but it would have to do.

"So," I said, turning back to Hazel and David, "what did we learn?"

"Mommy scary?" said Hazel.

"Grab them and throw them?" guessed David.

"You're both right!" said Peter, who laughed, "though at your size just try to find something to hit them with, kind of like how Mommy hit the ninjas with the other ninja."

"Okay," chorused my little would-be ninja-destroyers.

I showed the kids how to tie up the unconscious ninjas with their own yellow belts while Peter finished with the ATM. We hid our weapons (somewhat awkwardly) and then turned the ninja robes inside out, which made them look surprisingly normal. We walked a few blocks until we managed to hail a taxi. The taximan was not a ninja (we checked), so we got into the car and protected our kids as best we could with seatbelts and padding. Not ideal, but after the night we'd had this was hardly the most dangerous thing our kids had been put through.

We had the driver take us to the second closest train station, hoping to find the perfect combination of a quick but non-obvious getaway. With any luck, we'd make a clean escape before the ninjas could catch our trail. We believed that all the way through buying the ticket and the first few meters towards finding our train. Then a pair of security guards approached us with ninja masks under their security guard hats and blue ninja belts.

"We need to see some identification," said the first "guard."

"And we need to interview each of you separately," added the second "guard."

"Starting with him," said the first, pointing at three-year-old David.

Wow. Obvious much?

Still we didn't want to get the police after us for attacking "security guards" in the middle of a train station, even if there didn't seem to be many people here this early.

I was so amazed at the blatant incompetence of the ninjas that I just stood there for a second with my mouth open until Peter stepped in.

"Sure you can," said Peter, "Over here."

Peter guided the "guards" over to a blindspot behind some vending machines. He knocked out one "guard" with the hilt of his katana and I knocked out the second with my bo staff. A brisk walk later and we were onboard the train.

We were so tired we staggered past the decorative shrubbery that took up half the hallway with hardly a glance. We found a compartment, only for other passengers to walk in after us. This was easily solved, especially since I was too tired to care about the social consequences of changing my kids' diapers right then and there. They were very poopy diapers. In no time at all we had the compartment all to ourselves.

Ninjas walked in a second later, but they started gagging even as they entered the room.

Hazel walked over to one ninja and said "Up!" while lifting her arms wide for a hug. The ninja confusedly picked her up only to get headbutted in the face. There was a crunch and then Hazel's opponent fell backwards as Hazel hugged him. Hazel bounced lightly on his chest as the ninja hit the floor. I rubbed my nose in sympathy, even as David began beating up the second gagging attacker with Baby Dolly. I was so proud.

That's what I call baby-led butt kicking!

We tied up the ninjas and pushed them back into the hallway to find that the shrubbery had mysteriously vanished.

I half-dozed on the train ride until the slowing of the train awakened me. We'd come to our stop. We stepped off the train only to be surrounded by ninjas wearing a kaleidoscope of belt colors. The train doors closed behind us. We were trapped!

TO BE CONTINUED!

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