Parents Vs Ninjas

Escaping the Ninja Fortress

The archer ninjas around me began to recover, so I gave little David a quick kiss before plowing through those archers, knocking them out and sweeping them off their feet with my broom. By the time I'd finished and David and I returned to the spiral stairs, we found my husband Peter fighting a new group of ninjas with dark green belts trying to come up those very stairs.

Warding them off with his katana, Peter threw a diaper grenade at the stairwell wall behind the ninjas. It hit and exploded poop all over them. They fell out of sight down the stairs in a pile of tangled limbs and screaming, vomiting ninjas.

As we reached the stairs, a group of ninjas wearing giant kites crashed through the windows behind us. More shuriken hit the walls behind us as we scrambled down the stairs.

Still running down the stairs, I looked out a window and saw our motorcycles explode in a burst of orange flames even as more ninjas poured into the fortress entrance. Before we'd traveled more than half a dozen more turns around the spiral stairs, "hyas!" and the clang of metal on metal warned that a battle was happening at the base of the stairs. So much for escaping that way.

"Wait!" I called just as Peter passed the split in the stairs. He looked back to see me turning and taking the stairs up and to the right. I found the hole at the end with giant kites still hanging on the wall next to it. Unfortunately, between me and the kites stood another ninja in a giant kite dual-wielding katanas!

I wanted to give him a diaper grenade in the face, but with so many ninjas running and flying around, I needed to conserve resources. So instead, I attacked with my trusty broom. Two slices and a kick later, I no longer had a trusty broom. Rude!

A quick double "Give me the sharp object before you hurt yourself" and a kick of my own later, and the ninja no longer had his katanas or a position on the stairs. He'd probably manage to land safely with that kite on his back. Still, there were more ninjas coming towards us on kites of their own.

"Quick!" I said, grabbing kites off of their hangers. "We've got to put these on and fly out of here!"

Peter gave me a look, then shrugged and put his on, careful not to crush little Hazel. I found a smaller kite for David, which I strapped first to him and then to my own giant kite.

More ninjas were coming up the stairs, so I threw a diaper grenade and launched myself out into the open air. And flew!

I have no idea of the physics that made these giant kites fly, but I'm convinced that the less you think about the physics the better they work. Holding my two katanas I flew through the air, dragging David's kite and trailed by Peter's.

Ninjas in kites converged on me even as others on the ground began shooting fire arrows at all of us. I threw a katana that managed to shear off part of one ninja's kite which spiraled out, hitting a few other kites on the way down.

Tilting my kite to fly through the gap created by my first thrown katana, I used the other katana to block projectiles and attacks that threatened my kite.

But all too soon a double-sized ninja on a quadruple-sized kite moved to block my path. I threw a diaper grenade, but the wind blew it away before it reached its mark.

With a sigh, I threw my last katana, slicing a massive hole in the excessively oversized kite. Other kite riders came over to cut us off but they were too slow.

We were free!

Then a fire arrow struck my kite, which burst into flames. I released the straps, and that "free" became "free falling".

TO BE CONTINUED!

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