Words bounce around in my head like a hurricane, whipping around and around, this merry go round of everything unspeakable, it's not that I refrain from telling you anything, it's that I choke on the words in my throat, a painful swallow forces them back down, closing up behind them as I struggle even to gasp for air, it's not that I don't try, not that I don't care, it's that I'm frozen inside this hell, inside this labyrinth in my mind, twisting and turning down every corridor a million times, I cannot... I cannot form the sentences you beg me for, I can't even hold on to my very breath, I don't expect you to understand, to even try to comprehend, but you cannot rip the very lines from my brain, you cannot steal my very thoughts, it would be so much easier if you could.. not me stuttering over syllables, trying to find a way to explain, I just need time to allow these sounds to form letters to form words to escape, try not to escalate the tension as I'm trying. I swear I'm trying..I'm all that I can be, just me, utterly broken, choked by lyrics like chains, binding me, leaving me here in my silence, drowning out every sound, you can't hear me screaming your name internally, begging you to see, but you cannot read my mind, and I cannot speak it, so where does that leave us?
Tangled up in broken pieces of conversation, fregments of my reality, and I try to make sense of what happened, love me or hate me, breathe me or bleed me, take me or break me, push me or need me, spinning the wheel around and around, where will it stop this time? Breathless or broken on the ground, I'm speechless either way, tell me again all the things you adore, then tell me what you hate once more, words beat into my soul like knives, it's no wonder I never learned to parry these blows, if words are what I'm supposed to excel at, then why is the silence so deafening?
