I find myself struggling to find the words to explain, things I could never tell you lodged within my brain, going around and around, this merry go round, does it ever end? Stuck on replay, how do I find a way to say that I am not okay anymore? I am not ready to go, yet there never seems to be enough time, savor every moment lost in your eyes, how can you look at me like that? I need to take a step back and catch my breath, I am not allowed to feel this way, how can you look at me like I am that beautiful, can you not see all of my scars? I look in the mirror and every flaw is prevalent, yet you make me feel sexy in ways I did not know were possible, every compliment that flows from your mouth stitches wounds that I thought would never heal, and I find myself entranced by every move you make, your name escapes my lips so easily, almost as if I was parched and you are the water in a never ending desert,
I need to take a step back and catch my breath, I am not allowed to feel this way, yet I cannot fight the smile when I see you, I want to understand every word you say, can I take the time to trace every scar, and every story? Whispers in the dark, laced with smoke rings and hands entwined, where is the line I dare not cross? I let you in again and again, helpless to stop myself when you are near like a drug I cannot get enough, so how do I know when to quit? Addiction never looked as good as you, and you, you are dangerous in the way you could own me with just a glance in my direction, how do I wash away the way you taste on my lips? Begging for one more hit, I never fancied myself an addict, but you are intoxication incarnate.
I need to take a step back and catch my breath, I am not allowed to feel this way,
I tell myself I only want you because it is forbidden, it is only an escape from the tedious day to day, and if we were free to choose as we please I'm not so foolish as to think you would ever choose me, I know what I am, a fun way to pass the time, yet I wonder sometimes if only, what could we really be?
Jealousy has never looked as good as it does on you, and when you say that I am yours, I must fight not to say of course, how could I be anything other then yours? How could I possibly say no, when your kisses burn through every fiber of my being, hands as possessive as yours should be illegal, but I must smile and say maybe, because I cannot let you hear the breath hitch in my throat, I cannot let you feel my heartbeat race, cornered like prey, I cannot let you know that you have already caught me.
I need to take a step back and catch my breath, I am not allowed to feel this way,
Treading water I must stay just out of reach, wondering how far I can swim before I drown in you, and would you let me? Would you watch me sink below the waves, or toss me to the shore? I know this cannot go on for long, sooner or later you will grow bored, and I am not afraid of that, I am simply afraid that it might be too late to save myself, yet these are things I cannot say, that I dare not speak aloud, we both know I am not allowed to feel this way.
