1. shimmer (a taylor swift au)

-chapter five-

It was four o'clock in the morning before Taylor was ready to slip into bed beside Ellie to go to sleep. As much as she was relieved her relationship was over, there was a part of her that felt like she should be telling him about her day. Eventually, she'd get used to not telling him about her life, about random thoughts she had in the middle of the night. But she'd just had such a huge day that she wanted to tell someone about it.
She crept into her bedroom, after sitting on her computer ordering things for Ellie for the past four hours. The child needed so many things, and Taylor wanted her to have everything. That meant stuff for her in this apartment, a suitcase for the tour, toothbrushes, and her own clothes... Taylor wanted her to have the necessities and more.
She grabbed a pair of pyjamas from her drawer, smiling as she saw Ellie asleep. The little girl had obviously flung Wendy out of bed in her sleep, so on her way to the bathroom, Taylor scooped the elephant up and tucked her into bed.

It was hard to comprehend how this morning she'd gotten out of this bed and stared at herself in the mirror and here she was, looking at herself in the mirror all of these hours later. She'd had a shower, relieved to wash away the smell and the feel of the hospital. It was still something that she hated, and could never go for more than a few hours smelling like it. Climbing into her pyjamas, she let her hair hang freely. It was curly as it always was at home - even though she straightened it every time she went out.
She put in her curling cream and turned off the light, climbing into bed. Tomorrow afternoon, there'd be a whole lot of stuff arriving for Ellie and she was so excited to show her. Tomorrow, she'd have to go to the costume fitting she'd cancelled today. Tomorrow, she'd have to tell Ellie that she was "famous" and that she wasn't just a normal woman with a normal life.
She lay there, staring up at the ceiling until finally, her eyes closed and she fell asleep.

"Eloise!" Mommy yells, her voice so loud that it hurts my ears. "What the fuck did you fucking do with my coke?"
What did I do with it? I never touched it. I saw what it made Mommy do, I saw what happened when Daddy did it on the table. I didn't want to touch it. It was poison, it made them sick. If I walked into the room and saw it there, I walked out.
"Come here you little shit," Daddy was calling my name now too. "Do you remember what happened last time you stole it? Huh? It was a really quiet day for us while you were in the fucking closet."
I shiver, remembering that day - it was a week ago, but it felt like it had only happened moments ago. It had been cold and dark and I felt like I couldn't breathe.
"I swear to god Eloise if you don't get your ratty little ass in here I'm going to-"
I stay frozen where I am, too scared to move. Hiding in plain sight, under the staircase by the front door. They never checked there, never thought about it.
"Come here Elly Belly," Daddy called me as if I was a dog. I'm not a dog.
"I found it!" Mommy shrieked, but I stay silent. My foot is sore - Daddy hurt it this morning. I quietly take off my shoe and find it bleeding through my socks. It's a lot of blood. Am I going to die? Will I run out of blood? Would they even notice I was gone?
"There you are you little shit." Daddy charges for me, but I know better than to cry. I want to cry. I want to scream and fight and yell as loud as I can. But Daddy is stronger than I am. Daddy is bigger than I am.
"You think it's funny, don't you?" He pulled me out by my hair. "Hiding our shit that we fucking own."
"I'm sorry," I wheeze. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"You're going to regret it," I zone out.
My foot is bleeding. What if it kills me? What if I die in this house where nobody cares? What if I die in this world with no one to love me or care for me? Would people even know I was here? Would they know I was a person on this scary planet even for just a while? What if I die and no one cares enough to remember my name?

"Ellie, hey, hey. It's okay, it was just a bad dream, my little bee," Taylor reached out to the whimpering child. "It's okay." She moved over and pulled Ellie into her chest.
"It wasn't a dream, it... it was..." Ellie sobbed into her chest, terrified.
Taylor wrapped her arms around her, one around her back and the other cupping her cheek, softly stroking her hair.
"Shhhh," she whispered. "You're not there anymore, sweet girl. It's okay, I'm here."
Ellie wrapped her arms around Taylor as if she'd never been comforted after a nightmare.
"I thought I was going to die back there," Taylor heard the little girl admit. "I thought I was gonna die and no one was gonna notice I was gone."
Taylor squeezed her tighter. "You're here now, little bee." She didn't know what to say. What was there to say? No words could make it better. "I'm here now, I'm not going to let them hurt you again."
Ellie seemed to be relaxing against her, and Taylor moved them so they were lying down.
"What if they make you send me back?" Ellie asked, but Taylor could hear sleep creeping in.
"Then I'll get the people I know involved." Taylor would take it to court. She'd already decided she'd do just about anything for this little girl. "There's no amount of money that I wouldn't spend to keep you safe, Ellie."
"Do you... know any lullabies?" Ellie asked as Taylor lay her head back down on the pillow.
"I know lots of lullabies, but I'll sing you my favourite, okay?"
Ellie nodded, her eyes open but Taylor knew she'd be asleep within seconds.
"Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh darling don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up
Never grow up."