1. shimmer (a taylor swift au)

-chapter twelve-

Ellie heard muffled sobs coming out of the kitchen, and making sure that she was super quiet, she slipped out of her bed. Heading down the hallway, the little girl took a deep breath, trying to be brave.
"Taylor?" She whispered into the dim light, worrying that something bad had happened. Taylor had gotten night lights to put in the hallway so that it wasn't completely dark - Ellie hated the dark. But she was scared right now, so petrified something had happened to Taylor. Like the time her Mommy had been on the floor of the bathroom with blood on her arm and she'd had to call the ambulance because her daddy was out. Her Mommy had pale skin and Ellie couldn't find her heartbeat. Her mommy had been unconscious and Ellie had thought she might be dead. Ellie had felt guilty because there was a part of her that had so badly hoped that if her mother were dead, she might get to live somewhere else. She'd hoped that her mother would be dead and she'd get sent away. She figured that anywhere was better than her house.
"Oh, hey, little bee." Taylor turned to face her, and Ellie was surprised to see her sitting on the floor beneath the kitchen bench. "Are you okay? Couldn't sleep?"
"I wanted to make sure that you were okay," Ellie slipped beside her, worrying about what was making Taylor so sad. She'd not seen Taylor cry sad tears before. She cried happy tears all the time, but this was different. "Wendy was really really really worried about you."
The eight year old held up her little toy elephant and passed her to Taylor. Even though she was missing an ear and an eye, the elephant was a great listener. The elephant had been there through every one of Ellie's bad days, and she was great for soaking up tears.
"See? She wanted to come and make sure that you were okay. Well, maybe it wasn't just Wendy who was slightly worried. Just a little teeny-tiny bit of that worry came from me too. I don't like it when you're sad." Ellie was scared to admit her fear, but she did so anyway. She was scared to admit that she was a little worried that Taylor might have decided to take her back to her parents.

Taylor glanced over at the child, her heart flooding with warmth."I'm okay, little bee. I'm just feeling some pretty big feelings right now."
"Big feelings are scary, "Ellie shook her head."I don't like big feelings," she spoke softly."What sort of big feelings are they? Were they monsters under your bed?"
Ellie watched as Taylor smiled at her through very teary eyes. "I loved someone very much and we weren't happily ever after... and because being famous really, really sucks, it's news that's floating around everywhere now."
Ellie tried to make sense of what Taylor was telling her. She tried to make sure she understood completely before replying. She didn't want to be wrong. She also wanted to be able to help Taylor the way that she'd helped her.
"Why can't you be with them?" From Ellie's point of view, love always worked out. Because that's how it was in the movies.
"Because he wasn't making me happy anymore and we wanted different things in our lives... which made it really tricky for us to be together. And some of the people that work for him have gone and told a whole lot of people, which makes me a little bit sad."
"Why?"
"Because I guess that it was something I didn't want the whole world to know yet." Taylor sighed, reaching out and pulling Ellie into her.
"But some of these tears aren't sad, Ellie. A lot of them are tears of happiness. Because I was talking to my publicist all about you and all the important things you were teaching me."
"What have I been teaching you?" Ellie asked in shock. She didn't think there was anything that Taylor could learn from her. Every day Ellie was learning knew things from Taylor, but Ellie figured she was just a kid and didn't have much to offer in the way of life lessons. Taylor was teaching her all kinds of things, but the thought had never occurred to her that maybe the grownup was learning too.
"So many things, bee. You've taught me happiness, you've taught me how fun it is to be a kid, you've taught me that snuggles before bed are really important, and waking up early in the morning to see the sunrise... you've taught me all sorts of valuable life lessons - things that can't be learnt in books or through equations."
"Is that why you've let me do homeschool?" Ellie asked her gently.
Taylor nodded. "You're learning things every day that can't be taught in a classroom."