Be My First 3 - Tying Ends

1. I Kissed My Best Friend

I backed up as fast as possible, and looked Jack J- who was blushing bright red.

"I'm- I'm sorry." He got shy. "I don't know why I did that."

I didn't know what to say. I watched as he turned around and looked at the flowers. There was an extremely awkward silence.

"I'm sorry too, I didn't mean to do that." I spoke up. He faced me, looking just as embarrassed as I was.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, covering his face for a small moment. I sat next to him, trying to defer whether it was him or me that leaned in first. It was almost as if we did it at the same time, but everything happened so quick that I don't even remember what just happened.

"Listen." He looked at me. "This is going to be kind of a long story, but bear with me. If I'm going to get this out any time, it's going to just have to be right now. So when we first met you at the pizza place in Ralston, I honestly wanted to speak up and get your number just like Jack and Cam were trying to, but I didn't say anything. I had a huge crush on you. When we were going on tour and you found out about Ava, I was there for you. I've been there for you through a lot. You fell for Jack, and I don't blame you. You guys are my best friends and I've gained a friendship from you that's way more than I could ever ask for. I won't lie. From time to time, I get jealous. I know we're just friends and I know that's all we'll ever be, but I've been bottling all of that up for a long time. I had to finally tell someone, and I figured it'd be you." He shrugged.

I stared at the wall in front of us. Again, I couldn't think of a good response.

"I'm sorry." I said.

"No," he laughed. "Don't be sorry. There's nothing to be sorry for. I just wanted to get the past off my chest and come forward so I'm not hiding anything from you. I just wanted to be honest."

"Thank you for being honest." I smiled a little. "It means a lot."

My replies were stupid. I was thinking about how many times I've kissed Jack in front of Johnson, and how many times it must've hurt him just a little bit. "So, you still have those feelings, like right now?" I questioned.

He seemed to be in thought. "From time to time I get the whole crushing feeling. But I know it won't happen and I know that I shouldn't feel that way. So it just goes away." He said.

"I feel bad." I began.

"No, Paige." He clasped his hands together. "I'm just bringing up the past. I've literally never brought this issue up to anyone. You're the first one. I just needed it off my chest and this was my perfect opportunity I guess."

I nodded, trying to understand. For some reason, I didn't feel guilty about this whole thing. I felt bad for Johnson.

He sighed. "I know this is terrible, but I don't feel like that was terrible. I feel like it needed to happen at least once." He said.

I widened my eyes. 

"No, no. Don't take that wrong. I mean, I just felt like it needed to happen so I could confess all this shit and move on." He didn't seem upset, and I was glad he was getting his feelings out.