Shades of Kagan

Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Avian Burn's Point of View

That was the day I started avoiding not only Liam but Emma as well. Ngayon ay nakahiga na ako sa aking kama habang nakatingin lang sa kisame. I stared at the star stickers that are now glowing in the dark. I remembered my dad put it there. Kahit wala na siya dito sa bahay ay nanatili pa rin ang glow in the dark star stickers na nakalagay sa kisame ko. It's not like I want to keep it since it is one of the things that will remind me of my father. That's not the case. Nahirapan lang akong tanggalin ito kaya hinayaan ko na lang ito.

Somehow, whenever things get fucking tough at this house and school, these glowing in the dark star stickers reminds me that I was not alone. Emma has tried to talk to me many times now, but I always shut her up by avoiding her. Kahit ang mga tawag at emails niya ay hindi ko pinapansin. It's because I was hurting, and this damn pride of mine is stopping me from talking to her.

There are times that I will ask myself if Liam has already confessed her feelings to Emma. Emma knew that I like Liam. Ang totoo ay siya pa ang unang nakaalam nito. But what if Emma likes Liam, too? What if she wants to talk to me so she can apologize for liking Liam as well? She even accepted the flowers Liam brought during the music performance. They must click perfectly.

I pace back and forth while tapping my fingers on my lap. They must be already dating. I clenched my fist into my chest. Napaluhod ako sa sahig habang humahawak sa aking dibdib. Liam made it so bearable for me to live, but he also became the reason for my pain.

Even Summer and Sam were already wondering why I was avoiding Emma. Nauubusan na rin ako ng palusot na sasabihin sa kanila. I build my wall up with all the people around me.

Until graduation comes, it will commence tomorrow morning. Nagdadalawang isip pa ako kung pupunta pa ba ako o hindi na. Lalo na at namumula ang gilid ng aking braso. My mother hit me again earlier, knowing that Emma would graduate summa cum laude. While I just graduated cum laude, which is not enough for her. But I know I did my best. Why can't she see it? Why does my very own mother keep comparing me to someone else's kid? Why can't she just fucking cheer me up?! I'm glad my mother left in the middle of the night, so I have the whole house by myself.

With no energy left in my body, I put the blanket over my face. Ikinulong ko na lang ang sarili ko dito sa aking kwarto at napagpasyahan matulog. Nagising lang ako dahil sa ingay na nanggagaling sa doorbell. When I checked the time, it was already ten in the evening. Grabbing the jacket on the nightstand, I went down and opened the main door. I was shocked to see Emma wearing a pink sweater and skinny jeans in front of me.

"Avian, let's talk." Seryosong sabi nito sa akin. Akmang sasarhan ko na sana ang pinto ng bigla na lang niyang inipit ang paa niya para hindi ko ito tuluyan masarhan.

"Are you nuts?" Napataas ang boses ko ng gawin niya ito.

"Avi, please. Stop giving me cold treatment. What did I do to you?" She started. Napahinga ako malalim. I was the opposite of Emma. She faces her problems and confronts them with her head up high. In contrast, I run away without looking back.

"Fine. Let's talk. But not here." Finally letting the door open, I swallowed hard. I don't want my mother to catch us here. I'm glad that I brought the jacket with me. May kalamigan na sa labas dahil anong oras na ng gabi.

We went to the local playground, where we used to play when we were kids.

There are only one lamp post that is working, so the place is dim and eerie. Niyakap ko ang sarili ko ng makaramdam ako ng lamig at umupo sa swing. I don't think standing up is a good idea. Lalo na at kanina pa nangangatog ang mga tuhod ko sa kaba.