Shades of Kagan

Chapter 41

Chapter 41

Avian Burn's Point of View

After our conversation in the veranda, Kagan and I decided to go to the seashore. To watch the others swim. Pero habang pababa kami ng hagdan at nang maglakad kami dito sa dalampasigan ay nararamdaman kong may gusto pang sabihin sa akin si Kagan. It seems like Kagan haven't told me about everything. Pero iwinaksi ko na lang ito sa aking isipan. Besides, I haven't told Kagan everything, too.

Dahil sa paguusap namin dalawa, parang mas nakikilala ko pa sa Kagan. I thought he was just an uptight and quiet person. It turns out he forgot the things that bothered him until he finally decided to go to the doctor. Going to the doctor helped him a lot to know more about himself. Hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng matinding paghanga kay Kagan. He was trying to accept it, just like what halmeoni meant with detachment. Kagan is embracing all the ugly things that happened to him and trying to let go of them one by one. For sure, it wasn't an easy process.

"Wait here, Avi. I'll just go and get us some drinks." Kagan said as he continued walking to the cottage. Ako naman ay umupo magisa sa buhangin at tumingin sa aking harapan. Klaude waved at me when he saw me sitting here in my place. I waved back, giving him a smile. He was with Pru, Dan, Nadia, and Lovely. Napakunot ang noo ko ng hindi ko nakita si Liam doon.

"You must be looking for me." I looked where the voice came from. Para akong mauubusan ng hininga ng makita ko si Liam na naupo sa may tabi ko. Enough to give me my personal space.

"Liam!" May halong kaba na sambit ko. He just caught me off guard. He must probably bathe now since he's already wearing a dry set of clothes. The salty smell coming from the seashore filled my nose. The feeling of the sand is ticklish. Hindi na ako makapaghintay na makabalik dito si Kagan. The ambiance started getting heavy, and I suddenly felt uncomfortable knowing I was alone with Liam Cane on the seashore.

"Emma," Liam started. Para akong nanigas ng banggitin niya ang pangalan na iyon. I glared at Liam, showing that I don't want to hear whatever he's going to tell me. Tumayo ako agad at umalis sa dalampasigan. I was out of breath when I walk away from my place. Kagan told me to face it but I can't. It's easier said that done. Namalayan ko na lang na nandito na ako kung saan naka park ang SUV na ginamit namin at isang pulang kotse. Napahawak ako sa aking tuhod at huminga ng malalim. Why am I such a coward?! I hate myself for that. I can't really do this. I'm always back at square one.

"Avi, can you please stop running?" Narinig kong sabi ni Liam. I didn't noticed that he was following me here! Napa straight tuloy ako agad ng tayo at humarap sa kanya. Nakakunot na ang noo nito at parang gusto na niyang sumabog.

"Bakit hindi mo ba ako patapusin sa sasabihin ko? Why don't you just listen? For Christ's sake, Avi, stop running!" I was stunned when Liam just snapped at me. Medyo tumataas na ang boses nito at may galit sa tono niya. I stopped from moving. There's frustration in his voice.

"Because I don't want to hear it, Liam! I don't want you admitting that you liked Emma in front of me!" Napahawak ako sa aking buhok at hinawakan ito ng mahigpit. How can he be so naive? Liam pursed his lips.

"And what made you think that I liked Emma, Avian? And why are you looking at me with anger in your eyes, knowing that I have already moved on from your friend's death?!" There is a pain in his voice, and so is fear. He frustratedly combed his wet hair and blew some air.

"Isn't Emma the one you liked?" I said in my low voice. Napatingin ako sa aking baba dahil hindi ko kayang tingnan si Liam sa kanyang mukha. I don't want him to see me breaking.

"You didn't know because you didn't give me a chance to tell this to you, Avian! Imagine my shock when you told me earlier that Emma was my first love. That's absurd! I wanted to explain, but you already left in the kitchen." Bigla akong napatahimik sa sinabi niya. All I can hear is the hammering sound from my chest and the waves from the sea.