Crestfallen [COMPLETED]

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ - 11

Joanna

As days passed, I thought Alex's pain would lessen.

I would see a glimpse somewhere of my loving, gentle husband, who looked forward to the joys of life. To serving his patients in the best possible ways.

But I knew, that the reality was getting worse.

Alex was suspended from the hospital, and his medical licence was temporarily seized. The medical board was conducting an investigation and the decision about his termination was yet to be made.

Until then, he was prohibited from working. All his appointments scrapped. The authorities had advised him to stay as far away as possible from the family, until everything settled down.

Alex was confined to inactivity, within the walls of our home. Harbouring a guilt that was killing him slowly.

I watched him break a little everyday. And so was I,
being crushed into jaded pieces.
Seeing his sad, droopy eyes, his slumped shoulders, his gaze lost, that didn't linger at anything.

Alex is ambitious, driven.

A kind and well reputed man, but most importantly, respectful and a great doctor.

But the medical committee's suspicions shattered his confidence. The hopelessness of his future looming ahead of him.

Watching him so broken, tore at my heart.

Dark thoughts delved through me, as they lingered in my mind.

I feared that not only was he drifting apart , but also slipping away in a pit of his despair.

What if he couldn't handle it anymore?
What if he tried to hurt himself?

The thought alone left me numb.
My entire body shaking.

No, I couldn't let it happen. I had to, try. I had to make things better for the man I loved.

I decided to stay back and work from home . I had to keep an eye on him. I had to assure myself that Alex was safe.

The sound of my keyboard, clicking in a backdrop to his silence was becoming a normal.

Every so often, I would glance over at Alex, his blank gaze on some far-off place, as if he had made a hobby out of it.

His absence from everything around us, scared me.

The fear of him feeling suicidal was a constant whisper in the back of my mind, it's presence haunting me, refusing to be ignored.

Alex didn't talk. Didn't say much.
But I believed deep down, he was trying to get better for himself, for me. I had to hope.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

As I laid in the dark, failing to sleep.

I heard a sound, a sniff. I shifted on the bed turning on Alex's side.

Realization dawned on me. He was crying. And he was using the pillow to muffle his screams.

My heart lurched, dropping at my feet.

He was in so much pain.

"Alex." My voice was a cry. His pain was becoming, unbearable to me.

But he didn't turn my side. Tugging a blanket over himself and pulling away from me even further.

Here as days passed, I was hoping for things to improve, for a tiny glimmer of hope that things could change for the better.

But one day, the realization hit me like a punch to the gut.