Crestfallen [COMPLETED]

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ - 29

Alex

Back home, I feel the weight of the night's revelations pressing down on me.

My head pounds with thoughts and confusion, as I park the car,

Joanna unbuckles her seatbelt, not glancing at me once. And walks out from the car.

As if this doesn't unsettle her. As if this is normal to her.

I make my way to our home, each step feeling heavier than the last.

She puts her phone on the nightstand and walks over to get changed.

I simply settle at the bed. Too exhausted from everything.

Not just physically, but emotionally drained by the realization that our relationship is slipping away from me.

The doubts, the fears, they gnaw at me like a persistent ache.

Is this the new normal?

Are we destined to sleep on opposite sides of the bed for the rest of our lives?
To touch only for appearances?

This reality feels suffocating

A notification draws my attention, and I pick up the phone absentmindedly, wondering if I had an operation scheduled tonight.

Realizing its Joanna's, I put it back until my mind drifts back to a message in the notifications.

I read the words on the screen

i shouldn't have said things that made you upset. i apologize. This entire week i thought. about it. about you. you see i can't stop thinking about you.
i have begun to miss and crave you. i hate it when you
say it's just sex. i like you so
much and I hate it when you don't reciprocate. But we can discuss it, when I come back.don't cut
me off, I already hate being
away from you.
J

My heart lurches. Fear grips me, and my mind races.
No, this can't be right.

Joanna wouldn't betray me like this. It's not possible.

I place the phone back on the nightstand, as if distancing myself from it, as if holding it anymore will thaw me, will make the situation less real.

Joanna emerges from the bathroom, her presence pulling me back to reality.
She picks up her phone and exits the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

Panic surges through me, conflicting emotions warring within.
This isn't true. Joanna wouldn't do that to me, she isn't being unfaithful. I am just too stressed I must have read incorrectly.

I change into comfortable clothes, trying to calm my racing mind.

I lie down on the bed, the weight of the night's revelations heavy on my chest. I turn off the lights.

Still sleep continues to eludes me.

Joanna lies beside me, and there it is again, the way her hair frames her face. The beauty of it dazzling me even now.

I look at her longingly.

I want to slide closer and take her in my arms. To fondle her hair.

Instead I get up and do the unimaginable.

Unable to sleep, I finally give in to the darkest impulse within me. I pick up her phone, my hands trembling with guilt and uncertainty.

I know I shouldn't do this.
Shouldn't doubt her like this.
But I need reassurance.

Just this once.

As the screen lights up, I feel a mixture of guilt and desperation. My eyes scan the messages, my heart pounding with each passing second. I'm looking for that one message from "J" that's been haunting me.

But it's not there. It's gone.

Relief washes over me, but it's quickly replaced by a new fear.

What if she deleted it?

The internal struggle is overwhelming.

Doubting my wife, invading her privacy like this, it's all so wrong. I place her phone back on the nightstand, my hands shaking.

I can't let myself spiral further into this darkness. Closing my eyes, I lay back on the bed, desperately trying to push away the doubts.

I try to reassure myself.

Silently pray that there's no one else, that this feeling of uncertainty is nothing but a fallacy.