Crestfallen [COMPLETED]

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ - 14

Joanna

As weeks passed, I watched Alex diligently attend therapy sessions, his determination to heal, evident in every step, he took.

Slowly, the darkness that had consumed him began to lift, replaced by hope and a renewed sense of purpose.

We sat in the car outside the hospital . It was his rejoining day at his old workplace and I could sense the tension radiating from Alex. His gaze was fixed downward, and I could see the trauma of past months weighing heavily on his shoulders. I reached out, placing a gentle hand on his arm.

"Go inside," I whispered, my voice barely above a breath.

"I am scared," Alex admitted honestly, his vulnerability tugging at my heartstrings.

I offered him a reassuring smile. "It's going to be good, trust me," I said, hoping my words would ease his apprehension.

Taking his hand in mine, I squeezed it gently. "You are the best doctor and the loveliest man I know," I whispered, pressing a tender kiss to his palm.

I felt a shift in his demeanor, his tensed stance melting away as a soft smile graced his lips. "I am the only doctor you know, Jo," he teased lightly.

"And the best I know," I replied with conviction, infusing my words with the belief, I had in my husband.

Alex stepped out of the car, I followed suit, shutting the door behind me. He turned around as if to steal a glance my way for the last time.
Our eyes met, and in that moment, I could see a newfound determination flicker in his gaze. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. I wanted all his grief and pain to cease.

I blew him a kiss to which he only smiled and walked towards the hospital entrance hopefully towards the end of all his sorrows once and for all.

................................................................

His medical license was finally cleared, allowing him to step back into his role as a surgeon.
A role that had once been his pride and fulfillment.

I felt relief as I witnessed his progress, as I saw him fighting to become the man he wanted to be.

Yet, despite the progress, there was a lingering unease within me.

A truth that I had kept hidden, a lie that gnawed at my conscience.

The memory of the abortion, the decision I had made in the midst of our pain, haunted me.

It was a secret that I feared would forever taint our relationship.

I watched as Alex worked tirelessly to rebuild his life, to mend the broken pieces of his soul. And yet, I couldn't escape the guilt that washed over me whenever I looked into his eyes.

How could I tell him the truth? How could I reason the choice of my desperation?

And as I watched Alex strive for a better future, I couldn't help but wonder if our relationship could truly heal if I continued to carry this burden within me.

But his scars were deep and he wasn't even close to healing.
If the truth saw the light of the day, it would devastate Alex. All his progress would tumble down, along with his will to trust me, to love me.

I couldn't. I wouldn't tell him the truth. Even if it ate me for a lifetime, searing sharp holes in my chest.

Breaking me every second I shared.

But I would take it to my death bed.

But I couldn't.

.............................................................

The room seemed to freeze as Alex's words hung in the air, each syllable cutting through me like a knife.

His eyes held pain and betrayal.

I felt a lump form in my throat, my heart pounding in my chest as I realized that he had discovered the truth.

That the lie I had tried so desperately to keep hidden had been laid bare.

"You were pregnant?," his voice was laced with disbelief.

"You didn't tell me?"

I took a step forward, my hands trembling as I tried to find the right words, the words that could somehow bridge this chasm.

"Alex, I... I didn't know how to tell you," my voice wavered, tears brimming in my eyes. "I was scared, I thought.."

" I had to do it Alex, you were breaking down, I saw life suck out of you. I... I did because . . . . ."

His words cut me off, his voice filled with a bitterness that I had never heard before.

"You were protecting me?"

There was a mocking edge to his tone, a disbelief that stung like a slap in the face.

"No, you did it for yourself, Jo,"
he continued, his words laced with accusation.

"You're selfish. You never wanted to become a mother. You never wanted children. So you got rid of the baby."

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I listened to his words, the weight of his accusations crushing me.

"Alex, it's not like that," I pleaded, my voice breaking.
"I was scared, I didn't know what to do..."

But his words grew harsher, his anger escalating as he hurled accusations at me.

"You snuffed out my baby," his voice was filled with a pain that was almost unbearable to witness.

"You lied."

"You thought that my child would be a burden to me. A burden! I have always wanted kids, Jo. You didn't want them."

His confession hit me like a punch to the gut, the weight of his words sinking in with a painful realization.

The depth of this desire been hidden from me, and I felt a pang of regret for not having this communication.

"You never talked about it, about having children." he continued, his voice tinged with disappointment.

"I thought I would wait for you to want them too."

I... Alex, I didn't know," I finally managed to choke out, my voice quivering with emotion.

"I never knew you felt this way."

I had hoped that he would understand, that he would see the reasons behind my choice.

But instead, I was faced with his raw pain, his anger and hurt.

"I can't believe my baby's gone," he said.

"But you would have made a bad mother anyways," his words were a final blow, like a dagger plunged in my heart.

I stood there, my body trembling, my heart aching with a pain that seemed insurmountable.

The accusation, the anger, the betrayal - it was all too much to bear.

And all I wanted to do was scream.