Crestfallen [COMPLETED]

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ - 19

Joanna

The midday sun casts a warm glow over the city as I walk over to the nearby cafe during my lunch break.

This cafe is sparsely populated, at this time of the hour, allowing me to relish in the calmness of solitude.

Over time, I have become acquainted with one of the employees, Mia.

We have striked an unlikely friendship.

Mia is pursuing her studies at a university, and juggling multiple jobs at the same time.

With her determination, and positive outlook.

She reminds me so much of my younger self. Of the struggles I had faced back then.

That I find myself being drawn to her.

Not just because of her strongheaded, unwavering personality, but also, because she seems like a reflection of the
past I had left behind.

As we chat, Mia shares the news of her boyfriend's proposal. He wants her to move in with him. She is also giving up the waitressing gig. As she solely wants to focus on her degree.

While my heart swells with genuine happiness for her, a pang of sadness also tugs at me.

Mia's departure from this job, meant that the few interactions we had shared, the genuine friendship we had formed, was also coming to an end.

"I'm really happy for you, Mia," I say with a soft smile, my voice sincere as I look at her.

I am happy for her. And I wish her all the best things.

Yet, beneath that smile, I can't escape the feeling of loneliness that has taken residence in my heart.

As Mia's shift draws closer to an end, she bids me goodbye and leaves the cafe.

The moment she walks away, I am left sitting there, a quiet emptiness settling in .

In the dimly lit corner of the cafe, I sit with my thoughts. The weight of my own solitude feeling heavier than ever.

The realization that the connections I yearn for,
are all slipping away.

I sip my coffee, perched alone in that corner. I can't help but acknowledge the persistent ache of loneliness that has begun to settle within me.

................

I step through the door of our home, my muscles aching from the day's demands, my energy depleted.

It has been a trying day at work, and the reminder of the loneliness, press down on me even harder.

As I close the door behind me, I can't help but let my gaze drift towards the microwave.

I open it, expecting food, but am met with an empty space. The realization hits me like a punch to the gut,there is no meal waiting for me. Definitely, I already know it.

The fact has simply slipped my mind.

Memories resurface.

Alex cooking for me, of me sitting on the kitchen top, bothering him.

And not a muscle in his jaw would twitch. He would actually be amused. Kissing on my nose.
Making me taste a bite.

He enjoyed my teasing. And even more so feeding me, caring for me, looking after me.

When he had an urgent night operation he would save a portion of the meal for me, knowing that my work often made me stay there overnight.

It used to feel like a routine back then. A normal. An everyday occurence.

How had life changed so much?

How has my normal shifted so much, from lingering kisses, soothing touches to incessent solitude and unrequited longing?

The silence in the room seems to amplify the emptiness that has suddenly envelopes me.

I feel a lump form in my throat as tears well up in my eyes.

It is as though the absence of that meal is symbolic of the absence that has crept in our relationship.

I swallow hard, forcing myself to not let the disappointment wash over me.

Feigning indifference, I take a deep breath, as if trying to breathe in the strength to bear this moment.

With a heavy heart, I walk to our bedroom, my steps carrying the weight of my emotions.

I slip onto my side of the bed, feeling the coldness of the sheets against my skin.

I lie there, staring at the ceiling, the hollowness of the room mirroring the hollowness that has settled within me.

My stomach growls with hunger, a reminder of my body's needs, but the ache within me runs much deeper.
It isn't just the physical hunger, it is the hurt of his denial.

That I am not worth cooking for, anymore.

But this is my reality now.

As I close my eyes, I allow myself to release the tears that I have been holding back. The weight of my emotions wash over me, the sobs escaping in soft, broken breaths.

In that moment of vulnerability, I realize I am too tired.

I want to leave behind everything I have ever known and go far away.

I just want it all to end.