Lucky | Reader x Armin

Chapter 15.

You wrapped your arms tightly around yourself, it only just know slinking in how cold you were.

Armin reached forward to brush your hair away from your face again. "Let's get cleaned up. Then I'll make you some hot tea, okay?"

You nodded and followed him into the hall. He insisted that you use the shower first and that he was more than happy to wait. You had too much experience now and knew noting you did would change his mind, so you left him in the hall and tried to clean up as quickly as you could.

After you were comfortably donned in pyjamas, you started a fire in the sitting room while you waited for him. He joined you at your spot on the floor soon after, handing you a steaming cup of tea. You had sat together in this spot one other time. The night he almost kissed you. You knew now what had made him stop himself.

You turned towards him and saw that he was already looking at you. You blushed and looked away quickly. If only he knew that you were the one that didn't deserve him.

He caught your chin in his hand and turned your face back to his. He leaned forward and gently nudged your nose with his before kissing you yet again. Each kiss he gave you was so heartbreakingly soft and gentile, like he was terrified he might break you.

"You'll tell me if it's too much right?" He whispered.

You shook your head. "That's not possible, Armin."

He smiled and looked back into the fire. You took another sip of your tea and rested your head on his shoulder.

You weren't sure how long you stayed like that, or what time it was. It was Armin who broke the silence eventually.

"I promised I would tell you about Erwin when we got home." He spoke softly. You lifted your head and watched him closely. Not sure what to say.

His eyes were fixed on the fire. You couldn't help but think that he didn't want to look at you now. His face was full of sadness and something like longing.

You leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. Even after everything, his face still grew pink as he turned to look at you in surprise.

"What? I can kiss you too right?" You almost giggled.

He nodded. "Of course you can. I just didn't think..." He trailed off, cheeks still tinted with pink. You thought you knew what he was thinking and wanted to press him on it, to reassure him again, but you didn't want to get too far off topic.

Even though you were dying to hear this secret. The next thing you said was, "Armin, you don't have to tell me this if you don't want to. I know I wasn't supposed to learn about it today."

He shook his head as his eyes found the fire again. "No. I want you to know Y/N. It's just hard to talk about. And I'm sorry if it seems like I'm just hiding something else from you. I hope you know I don't want to hide anything from you."

You nodded at him slowly, not sure if you really were aware of that, but glad to know now.

"Erwin was the Scout Commander before Hange, and after Hange was me. They're both dead now." He let out a long shaky sigh and you rested your head on his shoulder again, you hands finding his arm and holding him close.

"I can tell you about Hange another time. She was an amazing leader and she appointed me Commander just before she died." He paused. "Erwin though... Everyone loved Erwin. Some called him the greatest Commander the Scouts ever had. He was a natural born leader. He and Levi were very close as well." He paused again and you thought you felt his shoulders give a small shake.

"A few years ago," he continued. "We were fighting the colossal, the beast, and the armored titans. We had one syringe of spinal fluid. We knew what to do with it if it came to that, but we only had one. Levi was put in charge of keeping it, and of deciding when to use it. I tried to sacrifice myself to give Eren the opportunity to take down the colossal titan." You felt his whole body tighten next to yours. You didn't say anything. You weren't sure if you could if you tried. You gave his arm a gentile squeeze.

"The rest of the story I've only heard from others. What I did worked but it didn't wind up being me who's life was sacrificed that day. Eren was able to take down Berthold, and he, Mikasa, and Levi were left with Berthold and me. Both of us just barely clinging to life. The choice seemed obvious at the time. Eren told Levi to use the syringe and he agreed. But just then, a scout recruit showed up with Erwin. Erwin had been up against the beast titan and he and the recruit were the only ones left alive. Except Erwin was inches from death too. Levi was suddey faced with a choice." Armin paused and wiped his eyes.

"Eren and Mikasa were beside themselves. Apparently Mikasa even attacked Levi. They were saying he already made the choice, that it was too late to use it on Erwin." He shook his head as if he didn't approve of the pway his two friends had behaved.

"Eventually he sent them away so that he could make the choice without any pressure." He paused for a long time then, and you finally lifted your head from his arm so that you could look at him. His eyes found yours. They were shining with tears and you realized your own were too.

"I still don't know why he chose me." He whispered. You were at a complete loss for words. You wiped your own eyes and he looked away from you again.

"There are a lot of things in my life that left permanent marks on me but that was the worst. Ever since then... Nothing has been the same." He paused and you saw the muscles in his jaw tighten.

"Hange was the only one who told me the truth. That it should have been him."

"Armin." You said immediately. You weren't even sure what you were going to say but you couldn't let him continue that thought.

"You don't understand Y/N." He said softly. "I was only fifteen. Erwin was our Commander, he had just lead the scouts into battle."

You sat up straighter and shook your head. "I don't know what to say Armin. I didn't know him but I know you. And no one could ever replace you in my life. I don't think he made the wrong choice, but I also don't think there was a wrong choice to make. Levi didn't choose you just for no reason. He knew something and he knew you were the one he wanted to live in that moment."

Armin put his head in his hands. "You still don't get it, Y/N."

You shifted so that you were on your knees in front of him.

"If he were here with you now instead of me-"

That thought you really couldn't stand to let him finish. "Armin." You said, almost starting to get angry even though there will still tears in your eyes.

He lifted his head to look at you. You shook your head. "I don't want to be with anyone else right now. You're the one who doesn't get it. I know that my perspective is really narrow on this. I can't speak for anyone else who was there or who knew him. But I already told you, Armin. I want you. I need you. No one can replace you." The tears were starting to fall now. And you placed your hands on his knees which were pulled into his chest. "Please Armin I need you to understand that."

Armin gave you a small, sad smile and pulled you into him so that he could place another short, gentile kiss on your lips.

"I'm the one who doesn't deserve you." You said softly.

Armin almost laughed. "Don't say that Y/N."

You punched him playfully. "Do you at least see how I feel now? I can't stand to hear you say things like that."

"I'll do better. I promise." He smiled as he leaned in one more time and gave you another achingly gentile kiss. He traced kisses along your jaw and kissed your lips again. "For you."