Over and Over Again | ONC 2023

Chapter 6

Spring, late 1800's

"Are you sure?" Aurelia asked again, barely managing to keep her composure.

Doctor Franklin sighed and nodded. "I'm very sorry, but as I've said over the last few weeks, there's nothing more I can do."

"That can't be true," Aurelia sobbed. "Please."

Aurelia felt Derek lightly grip onto her wrist. "Aurelia, it's-" he was cut off by a sudden coughing fit. His chest heaved and his hand tightened into a fist. Maybe she was imagining it, but it felt like his fits were growing longer and longer each time. He took a few strained breaths before speaking again. "It's ok, I've accepted that it's my time to go."

She ignored the crippling pain Derek's words shot through her heart. "Shh," Aurelia gently said and adjusted the quilt covering Derek. "Save your strength." The quilt was once too small for him, but as he grew weaker and thinner, it became the perfect size.

It was devastating, seeing Derek grow sicker and sicker over the last month. He rarely left bed these days, most of his time was spent resting. Aurelia closed the tailor shop to take care of him once she realized his inevitable end was quickly approaching – she would never acknowledge that outloud, of course. The village had been supportive and understanding, having brought them food and firewood when Aurelia stopped leaving the house. A few had even taught themselves how to sew.

Doctor Franklin gave them his condolences before leaving. As the only doctor in the village, his days were always busy.

"Please don't leave me," Aurelia whispered.

"I wish I could be with you forever - quite literally." Derek weakly smiled. "I'd love to believe that I will live again – some remembering part of me will continue. But as much as I want to believe that, it's likely nothing more than wishful thinking."

"I love you," she sniffled, as the harsh reality of the situation began to sink in.

"I love you, Aurelia. Thank you for giving me the best years of my life." His voice was barely above a whisper, but Aurelia could still see and feel the genuine love and passion in his eyes. They never lost their shiny, hazel gleam, even up until the end.

Aurelia wordlessly held Derek's hand, feeling uncontrollable tears begin to run down her stained cheeks again.

-

Doctor Franklin quietly left the room, and Aurelia, who had been anxiously pacing around the living room, immediately froze. Based on his expression, she knew he was gone.

"I'm so sorry, Aurelia," he said softly. "I will send the undertaker to help with arrangements once you're ready."

Aurelia ignored him, his words were muffled and fuzzy, and rushed into their bedroom. Her stomach dropped the moment she saw him lying in bed. "D-Derek," she whimpered. Her legs buckled and she fell to her knees. The room spun and her vision blurred with tears.

She swallowed the painful lump in her throat as she slowly approached the bed.

He looked so still and peaceful, as if he could simply be asleep. The sweet sounds of his voice and laughter still echoed in her ears. She could still so vividly feel his soft, gentle touch. This couldn't be real, it just couldn't.

She was half expecting him to wake up, reassuring her that everything would be ok.

But she knew he wouldn't, of course. This lifeless body was no longer the Derek she knew. Simply a hollow, soulless reminder of what once was.

Aurelia sat on the floor next to the bed, surrounded by the shards left of her shattered heart. Hours went by as relentless waves of grief hit her over and over again. Streaks of golden sun rays eventually faded into dim, cool moonlight as the stars and moon found their place in the sky.

The pit of emptiness in her heart was never-ending, overpowering any emotions that dared to step foot inside.

The last fifteen years of her life had been some of the happiest years she'd ever experienced. How was she supposed to let go of the most important part, just like that?

She eventually mustered up enough energy to stand up on her weak, trembling legs. Fumbling around in the dark, Aurelia managed to find and light a candle. It washed the room in a soft, warm glow.

Utterly numb to the world, Aurelia barely felt the tears beginning to run down her cheeks again. "I can't imagine having to live the rest of my life without you, my love," she whispered, interlocking his limp fingers with hers, "but I suppose I don't have to imagine it... I'm just going to have to live it."

She suddenly heard the ruffle of feathers before feeling a cold gust of wind rush through the room. Shadows danced across the walls before the candle went out. Either she had fallen asleep and was experiencing the most vivid dream, or she was finally about to meet him.

Light footsteps approached her. "Hello Aurelia," a gentle voice said.

"Azrael?" Aurelia relit the candle.

Her mother had described her encounter with Azrael many times, though no story could capture the raw, overwhelming emotions that she was experiencing. He looked exactly as she had described, but unlike her mother, she felt no fear.

If anything, she was angry.

"I am sorry, Aurelia," he said softly. "I promise you, he is in a better place now."

She crossed her arms and took a step closer towards him. Her grief was suddenly overshadowed by a fiery burn of anger growing inside of her. He towered over her, but she refused to let herself be intimidated. "I've been trying to reach you for centuries, Azrael," she sneered.

He seemed taken aback at first, but easily regained his calm and steady composure. "We celestials work in the background," he explained. "Any direct interaction with humans is avoided unless deemed absolutely necessary."

"And I was never deemed necessary?" she demanded.

"Well, it is complicated. You are a bit of a... special case," he said sheepishly. "The other angels are displeased about what happened – there has been an ongoing debate since the evening I visited your mother. You do not know how difficult it was to get approval to just visit you."

"A debate?" Aurelia quirked an eyebrow. "Over what?"

"I promise I have been fighting on your behalf, trying to convince the others to allow me to grant you mortality," he insisted. "However, they argue that your mother's wish went to waste, as you do not understand the value of what was given to you. They do not believe you deserve it."

Trying to wrap her mind around Azrael's words simply worsened her drumming headache. What could that possibly mean? "Why do you need their permission? Can't you do it yourself?"

"I am not powerful enough to undo the wish."

Aurelia looked at him in disbelief. "Not powerful enough?" she asked, flabbergasted. "You're an archangel, it doesn't get much more powerful than that."

"Perhaps in combination with another angel's strength, we would be able to," he said, "but as I mentioned, none are on your side."

She furrowed her brows, something wasn't adding up. "Then how did you do it alone in the first place?"

Azrael sighed and shook his head. "Your mother was filled with grief that night, overwhelmingly so. Her emotions were so incredibly intense, even just standing next to her gave me the power to go beyond what I ever should have been capable of," he said. "It will take something equally as powerful to return you to your mortal state."

In other words, it was hopeless – she was doomed to a life of misery. She sighed and sat back down on the floor, looking longingly at Derek's pale body.

"He loved you dearly, Aurelia. He talked about you the entire trip up," he tried reassuring her.

"Don't you dare talk about him," she hissed. "I loved him and I'll spend eternity missing him – because of you."

"I am sorry, Aurelia. I promise to try and give you the closest thing."

"Don't bother," she hissed and turned away. What was that even supposed to mean? "Go to hell."