Over and Over Again | ONC 2023

Chapter 12

Aurelia sat on a comfortable bench, shaded by the sundeck's roof. She watched as Max's sister, Katelyn, and his mother, Flora, were buzzing around like bees, making sure the backyard was perfect.

She insisted that everything was already fine – they had hired a team to set things up for the past week, but both of them were undeniably perfectionists.

It did look amazing though; beautiful furniture and flowers arranged perfectly, a string quartet with pristine looking instruments, a stage, and elegant table decorations.

When Flora had suggested they do the wedding at Max's parents' vacation home, Aurelia had been relieved. She wanted a low maintenance, small wedding and doing it at home sounded perfect.

However, no one had told her how massive their vacation home was. Their backyard could fit at least two football fields.

Everything was extravagant, including Aurelia. The hair stylist, makeup artist, and designer had spent days, maybe even weeks, fussing over her. 

She tugged at her sleeves again. She had told the designer that he could take his own creative direction with the dress – she didn't really care as long as it was sleeved. In hindsight, she wished she had asked to use a different material. Lace was elegant and nice to look at, but who knew how uncomfortable it was against skin. The last time she was married, her gown had been a simple off-white dress, only slightly different from the ones she wore everyday.

Guests would begin arriving any minute now, and she began feeling the nerves building up.

"Aurelia!" Katelyn called from below. "Meet Max in the foyer!"

Aurelia peered over the deck's railing. Max's sister was holding her wedding planning clipboard, tapping her foot impatiently. Katelyn had insisted they do a first look. It seemed silly to Aurelia, but she knew there was no point arguing with her. 

-

Aurelia leaned against the stair railing, standing on perfectly polished marble floors below a crystal chandelier. Max was so laid back and down to earth that she never would've expected him to come from a family like this one. She had dated plenty of wealthy people, but those usually never lasted very long. 

Her heart pounded as she waited anxiously. The swirling pit of emotions in her stomach felt foreign, like she had forgotten how to love someone. It was terrifying.

A part of her felt guilty, as if she was betraying Derek by committing to someone new. She kept telling herself that it was fine, that Max mattered much less to her than Derek had. Losing him someday definitely wouldn't hurt as much.

"Aurelia?"

She quickly snapped out of it at the sound of Max's voice. He came down the hallway, a wide smile stretched across his face when they made eye contact. The feelings of doubt suddenly rushed out of her body.

"Hey Max," she said softly, pulling him into a hug.

"You look beautiful," he murmured against her temple.

Her heart felt full and warm, and everything slowly started to feel right again.

"I got you these by the way." Max pulled out a bouquet of flowers from behind his back. They were wrapped in cellophane and tissue paper. "I know you don't really seem to like flowers, but I felt weirdly drawn to this bouquet when I walked by a flower shop this morning."

Aurelia had never mentioned flowers to Max since they met. She hated flowers these days, they carried too many memories.

He handed her the flowers. Aurelia tugged the paper lower to take a look, and she felt the blood drain from her face.

Yellow tulips and white daisies.

She cursed under her breath. "Th-thanks, they're really nice."

The room began to spin and she tightly gripped onto the bannister to steady herself. She knew she had continued seeing signs of Derek over the last few years, but had convinced herself they were all in her imagination.

This was absolutely not in her imagination.

"Do you want me to ask the staff to turn the heater on higher?" Max asked, reaching for her hand. "You look kind of... cold?"

She wordlessly shook her head. "I'm fine."

"Alright," he said and gave her a kiss. "I'll see you out there."

-

Aurelia returned to the guest bedroom where she had been getting ready. She felt nauseous and rushed to the bathroom. Her breakfast had been light, but she fell to her knees in front of the toilet and emptied her stomach.

Regret and guilt crushed her. It felt like it sat on her chest, weighing her down with nothing but pain and grief.

Gripping tightly onto the counter, she pulled herself up. The same face she saw every day was different for once. The Aurelia that stared back at her in the mirror looked utterly broken.

It really was Derek, and she wasn't about to lose him again. Heading back into the room, she took a tiny peek out the window. Seats were already beginning to fill up with guests. Max stood at the front, excitedly smiling. Aurelia backed away from the window and sat down on the bed with an exhausted huff. She buried her face in her hands and squeezed her eyes shut, but instead of darkness, all she saw was Derek. Memories of him throughout their time together.

It finally hit her.

She wasn't about to go out there.

She couldn't, and she was an idiot for thinking she could.

Aurelia frantically ran over to her suitcase. She kicked her uncomfortable heels off and switched into her sneakers. She pulled the millions of bobby pins out of her hair and yanked her veil off. She tore out of her dress and switched back into regular clothing. Clothes were messily thrown and stuffed back into her suitcase.

She grabbed her suitcase and began to run; out of the room, down the hallways, through the foyer, and out the front door.

Tears stung her eyes and she ignored the pain in her chest as she sprinted away as quickly as she could.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

She had no idea where she was headed, but she knew she would never be back.