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How Love is Born

How can I explain the photo? How can I justify my presence on most websites and media outlets that cover the world of entertainment? How can I tell Rocio that I feel something for that girl and that it's clearly visible in the screenshot she sent me?

The sound of my phone reminds me that Rocio is still waiting for my response.

"And?" she urges.

"We need to talk about this face to face."

"Really? You're not going to tell me anything now? What am I supposed to think?"

"We just met at the airport and talked. Nothing else. Please, Rocio, let's adjourn this conversation."

"Is Athena your girlfriend? Your lover? Who is she to you? I keep receiving pictures of the two of you from everyone! Even your brother was asking me if I knew that you were friends! And he was kind enough to say 'friends' when he really meant 'lovers'... That's what you look like in all the photos I've seen. Laughter, hugs..."

"She's not my girlfriend. We can't talk about this through WhatsApp."

"You can't even be clear about that. If you insist on talking about this later, it's because something is going on. Don't take me for a fool! But I should've seen this coming after our last fight. While I'm suffering here, you're laughing with Athena. Be sincere, just for once!"

"We like each other. I'm sorry. I never expected this to occur, I just wanted to help her fix some issues, and it just happened. Please, Rocio, we need to talk. I don't want to discuss this over the phone."

"There's nothing else to talk about."

I don't know what to say. I didn't want to hurt her. The situation unfolded like this. No one sought out the other. No one. I didn't cheat on her. I believe I respected her. But that doesn't change the fact that everything she's going through hurts her. We're not in a good place. And on top of that, she sees all of that and I confirm that there are feelings involved. It's the end. I can't expect anything else.

How could I have avoided feeling a connection with Athena? How could I tell my head and my heart to stop thinking about her? It's impossible to stop my daydreams of caressing her skin, touching her hair, and gently moving it away from her exotic face, of kissing her and spending the rest of my days with her.

The worst part is that I didn't feel the same way about Rocio. Ours was different. We were coworkers and had mutual friends. When we went out on weekends, we talked, but there wasn't much more to it. She had a boyfriend at the time, and I had been recovering from an infidelity for several months. We had things in common, but there were more things that separated us than brought us together, until Erin.

A year after we met, Marian told me she had broken up with her boyfriend. That she wasn't doing well. I didn't have any intentions with her, but I sent her an encouraging message, telling her that I was there for her if she needed anything. That's how, little by little, with each outing, we grew closer until we decided to give it a chance.

I think we were overwhelmed by being very respectful and, above all, honest with each other—even in the moments when it hurt the most. Rocio is very friendly, very funny when she wants to be, but when she gets angry, she shuts herself off and excludes me. And that can last for days.

We wanted to see that person we needed by our side, and perhaps we should have just been friends. Were we incapable of distinguishing what was real from what was imaginary? Was our love a product of our needs and emotional deficiencies? I don't know. I thought it was real.

If I said that our relationship was bad, I would be lying. She was still my friend, and we enjoyed each other. The problems started when we moved in together. It was a regular occurrence to argue about the best way to do things. We rarely agreed, and when one of us gave in, it was brought up again the next time. We had lived alone for so long that after our move, when she became pregnant, we realized we weren't as compatible as we thought.