Guests

Don't Let Them Imprison You

I don't know what I'm doing here. I don't understand why I listen to my parents. I should have told them to fuck off before setting foot in an office that won't do anything other than further ruin my image —as if it isn't already ruined enough.

I have no doubt that news of my presence in a psychology clinic will leak. Athena Diaz is crazy: suspicions confirmed as she walks in...

"Athena? You can come in."

A woman, around thirty-nine years old, opens the door and allows me to enter. I run my hand over my face and stand up as I analyze her. She's dressed in smart casual attire, her straight blonde hair is held back with some clips, and as soon as she sits in her office chair, she gestures for me to take a seat across from her in what appears to be a comfortable, avant-garde-designed chair —meaning it's weird— with a desk separating us. Her blue eyes examine me, but I don't see reproach or judgment in her gaze, only interest.

She smiles at me, and I feel that it's genuine. That alone breaks me, and I start crying without even uttering a damn word. You're a complete mess, Athena. She's the first person outside my closest circle that I have contact with, and I expected something worse. Her warmth and closeness comfort me, I don't know why, but I expected some criticism, for her to call me out on something, or even refuse to see me because I'm such a problematic woman and, I'm afraid, beyond help.

"If you don't mind, let me introduce myself, although I believe you were already told who I am." I shrug, and she understands that she should continue. "My name is Mary Royale. I want to thank you for making the effort to come here. It's possible you would have preferred it to be me or that we could have had a video conference. While that was a viable option during the pandemic, I prefer, as much as possible, for you to come and see me..."

"That's how you get crazy people out of their houses," I interrupt bluntly.

I already know what this shit is about. It's just a way to try to get us out of our self-destruction spiral, forcing us to fix ourselves up or whatever, to be somewhat presentable for an in-person session. I can ignore a lot of things, but I'm not stupid.

"Do you think you're crazy?"

I give her a disgusted look and add, "What kind of question is that? If you think I'm going to spend three hundred dollars an hour for this, you're very mistaken. I might have money to spare, but I'm not going to throw it in the trash."

"I apologize if the question bothered you. I wanted to know your opinion of yourself since you used that term. I, for one, wouldn't use it to describe you or anyone who comes to see me. In fact, I don't think I'm crazy either, and I also have my sessions with a psychologist whom I've known for a few years."

"Good for you! Do you need me to spill my shit to you?" I'm not being easy, nor do I have any interest in being so. I'm tired of these charlatans filling their pockets by listening to other people's problems and spouting nonsense that I could find in some third-rate magazine.

"I understand that this may be the last option you would have chosen to overcome your situation. I promise you that I will create the ideal environment for you to feel comfortable. As you can see, my office is empty. I clear the hour before and after your visit. I work alone, so you won't see anyone else here except you and me. In my schedule, I have you listed as Luna, so if someone were to steal it or try to spy on my patients, they wouldn't find you. When you feel confident enough to give me your phone number, I'll add it under the same name. If you feel that I'm not being empathetic or communicative enough with you, let me know. Anything that bothers you or makes you uncomfortable, just tell me.

"I don't want you to feel alone during these moments. We will work as a team. You will set the boundaries of what we can or cannot talk about, and they will only be crossed when you want them to. And if you believe that I'm not the right person for you, just say so. I will recommend two colleagues who might be able to help you."