Hard to Love part 2

Fight

The weeks and months flew fast and when she was in her 5 mouth he was on a mission, and she was alone in their home and was panting and cleaning and when she was tired, she was trying to sleep. But it sometimes she couldn't sleep alone in that bed. So, her sleep schedule was bad and when she was sleeping, she always dreamed of nightmares. When Steve came back at late afternoon she was reading in their bed and was so tired and just waited for him. When he finally came, he was searching for her because he missed her so much and just wanted her to be near him. When he finally found her, she was lying there in their bed and had a book in her hands and tissues were lying next to her. He lied down to her and kissed her forehead and she lied on his chest. He asked her: What did you do when I wasn't here? She looked up to him and answered: Well, I relaxed much and had painted much. Tried to sleep but without you is it not going well. He looked at her again and asked: How about we will do some private stuff and then we will go bought to sleep? 

She looked at him and asked: What private stuff? You will scream and moan. Answered Steve and Nat was sitting up and was coming closer so she can kiss him deeply and long. When she finally pulled away, he wanted more but for her it was too much, but he was still doing it. When was she lying on her pillows, he was putting up her shirt and was staring to kiss her from her neck down to her belly and when he was by her tummy, he was kissing her softly there and she moaning, and he was taking down her trousers and when she noticed it, she got up and he asked her: You don't want it or...? No. I just want to sleep. Said Nat and lied back down on her pillows and he did the same and then he asked: So, do you want to sleep with me, but don't have sex with me? Yes. Said Nat softly. He was lying then back down too. When were they lying so together, he asked her: Why? She sat back up and answered a bit angry: Because, when you were away, I couldn't sleep. Every night I had nightmares and that wasn't fun. Also, I'm in pain, my back is killing me, I must puke every day and the only things I can do are not getting me happy. I need you. He then said: I need you too. But in another way that you need me. And I think I deserve some surprise after a mission or even something that will make me happy. Natasha was an angry at him at that time and said still gently: Yeah, I know but don't you think that I need more support from you right now? You may be the one that is working, but I'm the one that is carrying a baby inside me and is constantly in pain. He was then saying and was standing up: That I know too. But don't you think we should do that more often that we did before? Nat couldn't hold her tears inside and said: Really? I you think that I'm always in the mood for it. Everything is hurting and you're not even here to take care of me. You're just working which I appreciate by the way, because we didn't have that money for all the baby stuff. But seriously I'm not a fan of taking care of myself either. He looked at her and said by yelling a bit at her: Fine. So, now what? Should I guide my job, just to be here? To take care of you and how will pay for all the stuff we need? How? Nobody, we will end up homeless and... he was interrupted by her, and she yelled back by going to the bathroom: Okay. I get it, we need someone that is working. But don't think that I will be here and taking care of everything. I will do what I can. Now can you please go. Go and don't aspect me to wait for you every night we you come back late.

He got out and got to Sam that had heard it because they were yelling loud, and he had his room closer to the west side from the facility. Steve was making himself ready to sleep on the couch. Meanwhile Nat came out from the bathroom and lied back down in their bed. Before she was sleeping, she just was wiping her tears away and said to the baby and was rubbing her tummy: Hey ребёнок (baby), you know that I still love your daddy but it's so hard to do everything with you. I'm so exhausted and tried all the time and right now he wants to have something with me, and I can't. You probably heard the fight we had but that still doesn't mean that he is not loving you. He is trying but not everything is going sometimes the away he wants, or I want. So, you know I miss him and everything but I'm still mad at him. And I don't know if we ever will be together again but once I can assure you will be loved from two parents, but I don't know if he still loves me after that. Good night mаленький. She cried herself to sleep. Before he felled asleep, he came in the idea to writhe her a love letter, but he was trying and trying and couldn't find a good beginning. So, when it was late, he got to sleep. When she woke up at 3 am because of a nightmare and couldn't go back asleep and decided that she instead of resting she will eat something and then dance. That was she did and when she got down to the kitchen, she was making herself a sandwich with peanut butter and jelly. After she ate it, she took some ice cream and was eating it too. When she was done, she got to the room were all the stuff is that she didn't pack out and was searching for ballet shoes and when she finally found some, she took them out and was dancing. At first, she did some easily things first and then she was doing some pirouettes and did like 5 or 7 of it and after that she was going to the sink and throws up. Then she did it repeatedly until she can do it without throwing up.

She was dancing few hours repeatedly. When he woke up, he decided to writhe her the letter and after he dressed himself and got to their door and knocked and then put the letter under the door. Then when he didn't become any answer, he got away. He then realized how mad she is and what he had done to her. So, he got down to the train room and took out his cloves and was punishing the box bag, so much that eventually the bag feels down. He then was putting up another bag up. Meanwhile when he put the letter under their door she was still dancing and suddenly. When she was, so tired that she lied down on the couch and feel asleep. she woke up she decided that Nat will go down to the others. So, before she got out to the others, she found the letter. She took it and opened it and then she read it. She sat down on the floor and then was reading it. She there sitting and was reading it and while reading it she had tears in her eyes that were rolling down her cheeks and she just realized it when she had read the whole letter from him.

In the letter was standing: Dear Mаленький, I know that you're still mad at me and you don't want to be called that right now. But I just had to call you that, because that's how you are to me and so more. My little wife with a little baby inside, but when she is mad or making her job, she can kill somebody. Let me get to the point because I wrote it to you. I'm very sorry that I was yelling at you and got too deep in the theme. I just wanted you, filling the last missing piece. It was you, know I understand that you just wanted me in any other way. You just wanted me closely. You wanted to sleep on me and cuddle, but I instead wanted you inside me. I'm so sorry that I didn't listen to you. I'm so sorry and I would tell you it personally, but since we had the fight, I don't know if you want me there near you. I would writhe an apology letter if you wanted me to. There will be a whole page of it. Just if you want. But right now, I'm truly sorry for what I did. I will love you more when you're mad at me then you're love me. I will love you more when you're sad then you are happy. I love you more when we don't are the same opinion then we are. I will love you more when you're in pain then you're not. I love for it that you sacrifice all for you job. And I will love you very much when you're awake because of your little baby inside you, I already do. From my side you get that I will try to be more there for you and will support you in everything you take choice for. Can you please forgive me? Your Steve P.S. You know where you can find me. After she read it, she got down and found Steve where he suggested he would be.