Forbidden Love

Chapter 5

I didn't feel like going to class the next day. I wasn't exactly sad or happy, I was just..... there. I got dressed and went for class despite my head not being in the right place. People were hyper, smiles everywhere, I didn't want to be around. It was too bright for my liking but I had to be there so that didn't give me much of a choice. A few minutes into the lesson the teacher stopped. Honestly he wasn't looking too good either, his eyes were watery like he was about to cry, and then I remembered. Last night, when I got the news about Khay's death, one of his friends was being rushed out. We all knew him - at least majority of us. Apparently, he didn't make it. He wasn't in the mood to teach, we all saw it.

He looked at me, with tears in his eyes, "You're not ok either. I can tell."

And it hit me, hard. Out of all the people that were there......he saw me. Did her death really affect me more than I thought? Yes it did. It really did. I had to leave the class, I was feeling chocked up. I couldn't let people see me cry, not that it was an important thing but I just didn't want to. They're gonna start asking why and they're not gonna feel sorry because they care, no. They're gonna feel sorry because that's the reaction they're supposed to show. I left class and went back to the dorm. I was done with school for the day.
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A few days had passed since the incident. Robyn and I had missed the funeral.....but we were feeling a bit better. That was about to change.....for me.

It was in the evening and I was outside with a few of my dormmates. I know, I like being out in the evenings. I don't know why but it's got a nice feel to it.
Robyn called, and let's just say the news she brought with her wasn't in the least bit exciting. To put it short, her life was in danger - and that wasn't the first time. Apparently by the same person I told her I didn't like or trust. Of course she didn't listen to me but there was nothing I could do. I was feeling a lot of things - pain, because you decide to give someone the benefit of the doubt and it just slaps you right back in the face. Hurt, because she didn't listen to me when I told her what I thought. Scared because I didn't know how things were gonna end up. Mad, because I had no idea how to deal with all I was feeling.

I had other ways of dealing with emotional pain in the past which didn't require me to feel the pain anymore. But that was in the past, I promised not to do that again and now I had to feel and deal with all this. I simply resorted to crying. One of my friends saw me and asked what was wrong, I opened my mouth to speak.....but nothing came out. I tried to speak, but there was a stronger force that stopped me....so I remained quiet.
Walking slowly to the dorm, I entered my room, sat on the floor and just continued crying. Evelyn was the first to see me.

"Is she crying? Whoa."

Yes whoa. I don't cry, and even if I did no one saw....so this was shocking. This caught the others' attention - Anna and Dorcas. They came closer and asked me what the problem was, again I wasn't able to say anything. I decided to just type it for Evelyn to see, cos after all, she was the only one in there at that moment who knew my "situation". She was like "oh", finally understanding and said nothing more but console me.
I got tired, drained in fact. Emotionally, mentally and physically. I climbed up my bed and just laid there til I fell asleep......still without a word.

Thanks for reading🙂