Overlooked-Tommyinnit

Part 9

Tw: Self-harm, abuse, drinking, disordered eating, heavy angst. Stay safe readers :)

Tommy pov.

My brothers spent 1 week here, I was home for 2 days. Other than that, I was back in school, they made studying difficult, they didn't want me to overwork myself. I did anyway, I just waited for them to be asleep. My eating didn't get any better, I would eat a few bites then go back to my room. I could sense Wilbur was worried about me, Techno not really. I was 1 week clean of self harm, because of them being here.

"Tommy! We're leaving." Techno shouted from downstairs, I made my way down to the door. As soon as I went there Wilbur pulled me into a tight hug, I melted into his touch.
"I'll miss you Toms" Wilbur said, slowly letting go of the hug, I looked back at him.
"I will miss both of you." I said, giving them a smile.
"Come on! We have to leave. You guys don't wanna miss the flight" Dad yelled from outside.
I quickly threw myself into Technos arms, pulling him into a hug despite his attempts to pull me off.
"Bye Tommy" Techno said walking out the door.
"See you later Toms" Wilbur said, giving me a small smile, and ruffling my hair.
"See you two later" I said, tears pricking at my eyes.
I watched them get into the car and drive off to the airport. I'm gonna miss them, I know they probably won't miss me, they never really cared about me anyway. They only care when they're here.

I walked back into my room, where I started studying, I looked through my notes, read the whole book we were given, I figured out math and physics too.

-time skip 2 hours -

I heard the front door open, alerting me that my dad was home."THOMAS" Dad yelled, I immediately knew he was drunk. I heard his footsteps come up the stairs, and come closer to my room, then my door flew open.
"yes..?" I asked, backing up into my corner.
"You're a worthless piece of shit, you know that right?!" Dad said, raising his voice at me, inching closer to me.
"YOU TOLD TECHNO ANYTHING?! WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM?! WHAT DID WILBUR SEE?! WHAT DID YOU DO YOU DISGUSTING BRAT, AND YOU DARE TO CALL YOURSELF MY SON?!" Dad yelled, suddenly I felt myself getting picked up by the collar of my shirt.
"YOU'RE WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT, NO WONDER THEY GHOSTED YOU FOR MONTHS. YOU DESERVE NOTHING" He yelled louder than before, with that my body hit the floor with a strong impact. I groaned in pain.
"I don't wanna see you out of your room brat" my dad yelled at me. I watched him slowly make his way out of my room and close my door. I heard him going downstairs, probably to get another drink.

I was laying on my bedroom floor, everything was hurting, new bruises formed on my sides, legs, hips, collarbones. I slowly sat up, crying in pain. My thoughts started to spiral again.

They don't love you
They're really better off without you
You deserve all the abuse you're put through
You think you're thriving academically but you're not. You're a worthless piece of shit.
You deserve nothing.
You're not your Dads son.
You're a disgusting brat who whines about the smallest thing.
Suck it up.

I couldn't quiet down my sobs, I was shaking, I couldn't hold on for much longer, my simple existence hurts everyone, it hurts me. I don't want to do this much longer. I wanted to make everyone proud, I wanted to make Wilbur proud with learning music, I wanted to make Techno proud with that finished on the top of my class in history, I wanted to make Dad proud with my achievements in school. Yet I couldn't make anyone proud.

I'm so tired but I can't bring myself to leave. There I was again, glancing down at the blade in my hands.

One cut here, one cut there,
No one will see and no one will care,
I wanna stop, it seems unfair,
I do it again,
Again,
Again,
Again,
Again,
And now there is too much damage beyond repair,
I feel stuck in a knot.
I feel scared,
Scared of everyone knowing the damage I've done,
now everyone can see the damage I've done,
now everywhere is red and I can't see him to stop,
there is no space left to untie that knot.
Nothing untied the knot, but the world fell silent.

It was finally quiet, It was finally quiet. I walked into my bathroom and cleaned myself up. Bandaged my scarred arm, I went back into my room and flopped down on my bed, not even caring about studying anymore.

I'm falling apart, I'm unfixable.

_______________________________