Overlooked-Tommyinnit

Part 23

TW: Self harm, grief, abuse, suicide attempt, panic attack, suicide note!!!!

Wilbur POV:

The day he died, my smile eternally dimmed.
I no longer laughed.
I no longer found joy in the company of others
.
I found company in our memories.
I found company in our old photos.

I was breathing.
But I was not living.
I was existing.

It hurts to exist.

I was sobbing in my bed again, it wasn't anything new by now. I would spend my days crying over Tommy's death.
Which technically was my fault.

Maybe if I had been a better brother,
Maybe if I had ran faster,
Maybe if I payed more attention,
Maybe if I wasn't asleep
maybe if I hadn't been the worst brother
you'd still be alive.

I know it was my fault. I didn't notice the signs he gave. When he gave so much, his sudden change of mood, his overly happy acts. I should've noticed it.

The days became dark after he left. I was Holding his suicide note in my hands, which was mine. I started reading the note,

"Wilbur,
I'm sorry it came to this, I'm sorry I can't go on any longer. I've been planning this for a while, I know you're in a safe house, which won't ever lay a hand on you, that assured me you will be okay even if I leave.

I'm sorry if I ever was too annoying. You were the best brother anyone could've ever asked for. I'm not mad that you didn't talk to me for months, I understand. You wanted to get away from an abusive household.

Our father always told me that I should be like you and Techno, so I picked up extra music classes, and I learned how to play the piano, I'm sorry I never got to show it to you, I thought you'd be proud of me, and I thought Dad would be! He always said that he's proud of you and Techno, so I thought maybe if I learn it, he'll be proud of me too? I hope you're proud of me though.

I love you Will, you were an amazing brother. Take care of Techno and yourself okay?

When it was cloudy for six days, you were the sun Wilbur.

-Tommy"

I was sobbing, i couldn't care how loud I was, even though it was 2am. I heard someone dash through the door to be by my side, it was Techno. 

"Wilbur breath" Techno instructed, I just repeatedly shook my head.

I just wanted to sob, just cry nothing else. I didn't want to breathe, I wanted to be gone.

I left thinking the hit only stained my cheeks.
I left thinking the neglect only bruised my heart.
I left thinking the war only shattered my soul.

But then I saw him.

With cheeks stained from the hit.
With a heart bruised from the neglect.
With a soul shattered from the war.

I just sobbed harder, as the thoughts came flooding in.

"It wasn't your fault Wilbur." Techno said, holding me close.
I just shook my head and cried harder.
"It wasn't. Will breath" Techno replied, I was still hysterical in his arms.
"some kids are simply born with tragedy in their blood. It wasn't yours or my fault. " Techno replied.

I was shaking in his arms, Phil soon came into my room, switching with Techno, he held me closer.

"Will?" Phil asked, I just nodded my head into his chest.
"It wasn't your fault, you did your best. You jumped off a bridge to save your brother which nearly costed your life. You did everything you could. I'm sure he's so proud of you." Phil told me, trying his best to reassure me.

I sobbed harder, Techno came back to my room, and crouched beside me and Phil.

"Wilbur please. You can't blame yourself for it. Let's get you back to bed okay? It's really late." Techno suggested, I didn't hesitate. I laid back into bed, and faced away from them.

"Goodnight Will" both of them said it in unison, as they left the room.

-time skip 3am-

I slipped out of my room, I was still in the middle of a breakdown. I was going down the stairs, I looked around, when I was about to slip out of the front door, I heard a stern voice coming from behind me.

"What are you doing." Techno asked, it didn't sound like a question though.
"Wilbur look at me, turn around and close the door, it doesn't have to end like this please." Techno asked, I heard his voice starting to crack.

I tightened my grip around the door handle.

I didn't wanna be here.
I just wanna go,
I should've been dead instead of him,
I cant do This without him,
I don't want to do this. 

"Wilbur please. I cant lose you, you're the only one I have left. You don't have to do this, we'll find a solution together, please. Things will get better Wilbur I promise," Techno begged, he was crying, I could hear his hiccups coming from behind me.

"Tommy?!" I asked, the worry was definitely heard in my voice
"I'm sorry." Tommy chocked it out.
"Tommy! This can't be happening, please. I cant lose you," I begged my brother, my voice began to crack.
"I'm sorry Will, I'm so tired." Tommy replied, he was sobbing.
"Tommy, I promise things will get better.
Come home please Toms." I begged, at this point I was losing it too.
"please..share your location don't do this."
I begged continuously, I begged my brother to stay.
"I love you, I'm sorry." Tommy said,

I slammed the door shut, and fell to the ground, Techno immediately rushed to my side, and started rocking me back and forth as he pulled me into his arms.

"Wanna sleep in my room?" Techno asked, after about 10 minutes of him rocking me back and forth in attempt to calm me down.

I nodded into his chest.

"Let's go," Techno said, as he pulled me up, and lead the way.

When we reached at the top of the stairs, I saw Phil give him a look, which Techno replied with "I'll explain later" face.

Techno lead me into his room, and pulled me into the bed with him, he held me close like I could disappear if he lets go.

"I love you Wilbur. I don't tell you that enough." Techno mumbled, I know he couldn't see it, but I smiled at him.

I love you too Techno, i wish I could tell you that.

_________________________

National Suicide prevention hotline
1-800-273-8255