Overlooked-Tommyinnit

Part 24

TW: Depression, grief, suicide note(!!), eating disorder

Techno POV:

I'm tired of grieving.
I'm tired of wishing I could sleep my days away, as that is the only time I see you.

I'm tired of living through photos in my camera roll, as that is the only time I see you.
I'm tired of grasping at memories, as that is the only time I see you.

I'm tired of living with grief, instead of you.

The last days have been hard, I found an escape in my writing which has been helping me through the days. Yet I still sleep my days away, or just lay around, sometimes I socialize with Phil and talk to him or watch a movie with him. I check on Wilbur during every mealtime, bringing him the food he needs in order to even survive. Personally I've been handling his death okayish, comparing to Wilbur.

It's been 3 days since the "incident" we had with Wilbur. He has retreated into his room fully, we don't see him anymore. If I walk past a few times, I could hear him sobbing his heart out. As much as I wanted to check on him, I knew he'd tell me to leave.

But today, I felt somewhat okay. I went down for breakfast, seeing Phil stuck in an trance looking at Tommy's empty chair.

"morning Phil" I spoke up first.
"Morning Techno! Do you want breakfast?" He immediately perks up, as he heard my voice.
"Yup, shall we ask Wilbur or..?" I asked, he gave me sigh.
"I made him separate breakfast. It's his favorite foods, I think you should take it up to him, I think his depressive state decreased his appetite, or it's a result of Tommy's." Phil explained to me, it made sense. He handed me my plate.
"Okay I will." I said, as I took it.
I sat down and started eating, and I started to think.

Many people developed eating disorders during grief, to have something they have control over, maybe this is what happened with Wilbur?
I have to help him somehow.
He can't end up like..Tommy.

I finished my plate, and I thanked Phil, his cooking is delicious as always. I grabbed Wilbur's plate, which Phil gave a hopeful look to. I walked up the stairs, and I stood in front of Wilbur's door.

"Will? Can I come in?" I asked, I was waiting to hear 2 knocks, it means yes, 1 knock means no.

I heard the two knocks, I stepped into his room, and closed the door behind me.

"I brought you breakfast, look it's your favorite things. Can you please eat something of it?" I asked, as I crouched beside Wilbur, who was still in bed.

One singular knock came.

"Wilbur you have to. You'll die if you don't. Please for me." I kind of begged my brother, I couldn't lose him.

Two knocks came this time.

I smiled at my brother, I sat at the end of his bed, he sat up, I was horrified when I saw him

He was pale,
His eyes were bloodshot from crying,
His eyes didn't sparkle anymore,
His light was Tommy, and now Tommy is gone.

"There you go." I handed him the plate.

He fidgeted with the food on it, but ended up eating a small bit from it. And I was still proud of him for that. I don't know what it feels like to struggle against your mind like this, but I wanna be there for him and support him through it.

I took his plate and went downstairs, I did the dishes. I decided to head upstairs into my room, I think I can read Tommy's note for me, which will be the only thing I'll have left from him.

I went into my bedroom, and I searched around for the letters he wrote, I found it and I didn't hesitate.

"Techno,

It wasn't your fault, I was so tired, I was so so utterly drained.

You were a good brother, you had your reasons to leave, and ghost me for months. I don't blame you okay? I understand, I understand it all.

Dad always compared me to you and Wilbur, and I looked up to you guys, even if you don't think you guys were the "role models" you were in my life. I was so proud of you guys, when you realsed your book or when Wilbur went on tour and sold out.

Im an English mayor just like you were, I'm at the top of my class too. I hope I made you proud Techno.

Im quoting this from your book "Life is a beautiful game" but

I wish I never played it.

Never apologize for being you Techno, stay you.

-Tommy"

I just started blankly at the paper, he was so overlooked by everyone. He just wanted someone to be proud of him, he wanted good brothers and a good Dad.

I'm sorry Theseus. I'm sorry.