See No Evil (Anthony Lockwood)

chapter 32

Sweat dripped down Violet's face as she swung her rapier through the air again, trying to keep her grip tight and secure. But, once again, she lost her grip and the sword clattered to the ground.

Violet had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from screaming out in frustration. She had been in the basement for over an hour just trying to retrain herself. Lockwood and Lucy had gone out to do some shopping around for groceries and some new cups. Violet had dropped at least 6 cups since coming back. It was pissing her off. At one point, she had gone on a drink strike, refusing to drink anything because she was so tired of dropping the cups.

Violet assumed that George was up in his room, cleaning it again for the seventh time that week. He had been cleaning a lot since their last job. At the lake.

All of them had been traumatized in different ways that day.

Lockwood was overprotective as hell and had nightmares every single night. It got to the point that Violet just decided to stay in his room these days to keep him from freaking out. It didn't bother her. She liked sleeping in his room with him. He was warm and she felt safe with him. Not to mention they had gotten into the habit of him reading to her every night before bed. Violet had told him so many times that he didn't have to, but Lockwood wanted to. He couldn't get over how happy and peaceful she looked just watching him read.

George had become very distracted. Constantly finding something new to clean just to avoid the thoughts in his head. Violet noticed that he had a hard time looking at her sometimes. Sometimes George would make up some dumb excuse just to leave the room. Violet was trying her best to just give him space and be patient as he was with her. He needed time.

Lucy had been protective as well, but also angry. Not at her. But Violet noticed that every time she was showing the effects of her hypoxia obviously, Lucy would get upset and storm out. Lucy had said more than once that James deserved worse than what he got, and that she wanted to do something about the rest of that family too. But Violet had told her not to. Violet just wanted to heal on her own and leave them behind.

And Violet...well Violet wasn't coping well either. She had to learn to rely on people to help her now and it made her angry. She liked to do things on her own. That's how she had always done things. But now she couldn't.

For the first couple of weeks back, Lucy had had to help her with exposure therapy bathing. Lucy would fill up the tub in the bathroom and Violet would come in with a bathing suit. Lucy would spend 15 minutes coaxing her in until Violet finally sat down in the water. Then they would spend the next hour and a half trying to get Violet clean and keep her calm.

Violet was grateful for her friends. They were so patient and kind. So helpful. But Violet couldn't help but feel like she was becoming a burden to them.

Violet had finally convinced Lockwood and Lucy to go out somewhere without her so she could sneak down to the basement and practice. Lockwood had been very adamant that Violet wait to start doing anything related to work, but Violet was going crazy. She really was. She was stuck in this house doing nothing but stupid therapy exercises and being coddled. Again, she loved and appreciated them. So much.

Violet blew her hair out of her face and reached down to pick up her rapier again. As she went to stand up straight, she noticed how bad her hand was trembling. Violet stood up and took a deep breath, gripping her sword as tight as she could.

"Come on, Vi. You can do this," Violet muttered to herself, shaking out her shoulders in preparation.

Violet swung her blade out. The first swing was perfect. Swift, direct, strong. Violet grinned and swung again, but the rapier flew from her grip as her hand became weak.

"Fuck!" Violet cursed angrily, running one hand through her hair.

"Lockwo-Oh," George froze at the top of the steps as he saw Violet in the basement.

Violet's head snapped up and she tensed, "Uh...it's not what it looks like?"

"...right."

Violet gave him a sheepish smile, "Don't tell?"

George glanced at the rapier on the floor and back at Violet.

"I keep losing my grip," Violet said.

George just nodded slowly before heading back out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Violet frowned, her eyes sad as she watched after him. It was like he couldn't stand to be around her anymore. And it hurt.

Violet looked down at her rapier for a moment before kicking it away angrily. Then she flopped onto the ground and began her new vigorous training regimen.

She would do push-ups, sit ups, pull ups- everything she could. She would keep going until she felt like she was going to collapse from exhaustion. Violet was determined to be stronger than before. That way no one could ever touch her again.

Violet counted under her breath as she did her push-ups until the sweat dripped off her chin and onto the floor and her arms felt like they were going to fall off. And even then...she kept going until she collapsed on her stomach. But she still kept going. She turned over and began doing sit ups.

Every time she felt like giving up, she remembered James' hands grasping onto her as he carried her to the edge of the dock. She remembered how utterly useless she felt as she tried to struggle out of his grip. She remembered how her body had sunken down into the depths of that lake. She remembered every single moment of her death. She remembered the exact moment she stopped breathing.

Violet pushed herself harder and harder as pure anger bubbled in her stomach and spread through her body. She had just discovered her home. Her happiness. Her love. Her family. She had discovered herself. Violet had just found her reason to live. And it had been ripped away all in one night. Now she had to start all over again.

Violet suddenly felt dizzy and flopped back onto her back. She slowly blinked as black dots swimmed in her vision. The tremors had spread throughout her body. And despite the vigorous exercise, she still felt cold.

Violet breathed in and out slowly as she stared at the ceiling. And suddenly she felt like she was floating. She felt completely disconnected from herself and from reality. She felt like she was having an out-of-body experience.

Episodes like this had been frequent since she got out of the hospital. She had experienced such a thing before. For years after her first death, she would descend into these states of complete dissociation from reality. Sometimes days would pass in a haze and sometimes it would only be minutes. She had done so well to work on those. That's why she had used the metronome. The ticking in her head grounded her back to reality and to her body. But now...now it was back again.

It felt like she couldn't move. Her mind was a blank slate, only a simple buzzing in her ears. She knew she was breathing and moving just fine, but everything around her still felt gone.

After what felt like hours, Violet rapidly blinked, snapping out of her state. She sat up and looked around, trying to find a way to ground herself again. She imagined the metronome in her head, ticking back and forth in that soothing rhythm. She allowed her body to sway from side to side just like the pendulum did. Eventually, she felt wide awake.

The door opened back up and George walked in, "Vi..."

Violet looked up at him, "Yeah?"

George tossed something down to her and the object landed right by her feet, "Here. Try this."

Violet grabbed the object and inspected it. It was some sort of elastic strap connected to a carabiner clip. The elastic itself was connected together by something like a strap adjuster so that she could tighten it as she needed to.

When Violet looked back up to thank him, George had already gone. A small smile settled onto her lips and she was quick to grab her rapier, locking the carabiner clip onto the inner guard of her rapier. She pulled the strap over her wrist and pulled onto the extra piece to tighten it around her wrist. It was tight enough to keep the rapier in her hand, but not tight enough to cut off any circulation or make her uncomfortable. And if her grip loosened, the rapier wouldn't drop. She could easily swoop it back up into her hand as soon as she could.

Violet grinned and began to practice again with her sword despite her body screaming at her to take a rest. Maybe George didn't hate her now after all.