She's GONE - A Fifty Shades Fanfiction

~Chapter 1 - Christian~

Disclaimer: My cousin Izzy wrote No More Love in 2007. I thought it would fit perfectly in part of the show to show what Christian is going through.  

Check the song out

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sofv9QJpZ4

The dream that Christian has actually came a gif on Twitter that I saw.

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It has been four years since their deaths. Four years since Hyde was sentenced and sent away to prison. Four years without my family. Four years of hell! Time I should have had with them. I will never see them again.

My parents tell me, I'll see them again in heaven, but I don't believe in that shit. There is no haven or a God; they would be here with me now if he were real. I know where Ana and Ted are, they are gone, buried deep in the ground to rot and wither away to nothing.

I will never forget them. Everything was a constant reminder of the past and the present. Even in my sleep I see them, dream of a life that we will never have. I always wake up in a cold sweat. I find myself at the piano playing those melancholy songs as I long for them.

When Ana fell into my office so long ago, it was instant for me, I fell in love with her but it just took me so long to feel it. I'd shut myself off from those feelings for so long, I didn't even realize what love was. It was Ana who taught me to let those feelings in. Even on that first day, she looked right into my soul, and pegged me for who I was. It unnerved me. I'd done a pretty damn good job of shutting those out from knowing who I was.

Elena always made me feel love wasn't worth it. "Love was for fools," she'd say all the time. I believed it, took it to my black heart. Slowly Ana's love for me broke down my walls, but I was still so fucking scared to let her in. I thought if she knew the real me, she'd run for the hills. She even took a beating from me to really understand me and my needs. That was the worst fucking day of my life. Worst fucking week of my life.

Days were long and the nights were even longer. I couldn't sleep nor could I eat. It was like living in hell. But this hell that I'm living in now was fucking torture knowing they were gone. I pushed everyone away. I barely went into work. If it wasn't for Ros, I'd have lost the whole fucking business. Everything. But I have nothing without them.

It was the anniversary today. I could not even handle going into work. I had to leave early. Everything lately seemed to remind me of them. It hurt to damn much to think about them. I just wanted to drawn my sorrows.

I always ended up this seedy bar. It was a dark, dank place – A perfect place for a dark soul like me. I didn't care if anyone found me. I just didn't care anymore period.

Sliding up to the stood, the bartender slid a tumbler my way, already filled with bourbon. He knows what I like.

There was music playing on the radio. I was just about to tell the bartender to turn it off, but there was something about the slow, soft melody that really hit home. What it did was cut me deep. The singer knew what it was like to lose someone.