She's GONE - A Fifty Shades Fanfiction

~Chapter 11 - Christian ~

Another nightmare seized me and I woke up with a start. I was in a panic. My breathing was so erratic. I needed to calm myself down. I took deep breaths and let them out through my nose. Dammit! Calm down, Grey. She's still here next to me.

I closed my eyes, letting the evening invade my mind, body, and soul. It had sooth the angry beast. We both drifted off to sleep thoroughly exhausted. I fucking wore us both out. I was gentle at first, but I hit my stride quickly and she loved every minute of it. As did I. I haven't been that exhausted since Ana and I and our mini marathon through  the penthouse. Eventually, we did hit ever surface.

Even though I was exhausted at the moment, I could go another round or two with Sarah. Sarah was insatiable. My gut says she'd be okay with the playroom. We joked being tied up earlier. She seemed interested. At least that was what I got of it.

But the most startling to me was I think maybe Ana found Sarah especially for me. Too many coincidences to be just an ordinary coincidence. There were so many similarities between the two. Ana didn't need to find a reminder of her, she was always with me and there is room for Sarah too. I never thought I would ever find anyone, let alone have room for another.

As I glanced down at Sarah, I saw that she was sleeping so quietly. She was an Angel. So sweet and so beautiful and mine and I was hers. I need to tell her how I feel.

Another thing that I've come to realize, sleeping next to Sarah was not so bad. She did chase away some of the nightmares. Some of the nightmares seemed to begin and when she moved closer to me, they disappeared completely. I think it will take time for them to completely be chased away. I know I can get passed it again. When Ana was alive, she chased away the nightmares.

I know I will have to eventually tell Sarah the truth, but I am petrified if I tell her now, she could run for the hills. Although, she proved she wanted to help me earlier. Could I tell her? Should I tell her? What if she can't handle the truth? What if she were to run away from me? What would I do? Go after her? Could I do that to her? Could I put her through all that shit?

No! Stop Grey! I can't let myself go down the what if's. I can't lose her. I need her. I-I love her. Yes, I love her. I know it was way too soon, but there was just something about her. It was like I know her soul. I've known her in a previous life. I felt the same way with Ana. How could it be? Did I go through something similar in a previous life? Not that I believe in that shit, but if I did, I think that would be the best way to explain it all.

Suddenly my stomach growled, reminding me I was hungry. Taylor will bring us food. I reached over to my nightstand, grabbed the phone, and hit speed dial. It rang a few times and I heard him pick up the phone.

"Sir!" Taylor said a bit groggily. "Is everything ok?

Taylor was worried. I better put him out of his misery.

"I'm fine, Taylor." As I pushed the blanket away from me, I swung my legs over to the side and stood up. I headed out of the room, closing the door softly. I made my way out to the cockpit. I could tell it was dark, though the moon was high in the sky, casting a gold glow over the water. "I'm out on the Catamaran in Snohomish. I need you to bring dinner for two."

"Dinner for two, Sir?"

"Yes. Is there a problem?"

"Oh no sir, I was just curious is all. I will get on it and be there as soon as I can."

"We are at the end of the dock."

"Got it. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No. Thank you, Taylor." I ended the call.