Want You to Stay || Chenford / The Rookie

Part 1

Author's Note: This picks up literally right after Lucy and Tim leave the hospice in 4x09. This was written in collaboration with my amazingly talented friend Jill (poppypickle) and is being posted here on Wattpad with her permission.

***

The ride back from the hospice is quiet, each lost in their own thoughts. Tim keeps his eyes on the road, but if his grip on the steering wheel is any indication, he is still very much back in the hospice with his father. Lucy feels a tug of deep sadness when the streetlights illuminate his expression, his exhaustion painfully evident on his face.

Lucy wonders briefly if she should remind him that her car is still back at his childhood home, but opts instead to stay quiet, unsure of whether he wants or even needs her around, but certain she wants to be here for him if he'll let her.

She is still kicking herself for not realizing how deeply her words had hurt him — for not being more in tune with how obviously painful this entire series of events has been for him since the moment his sister had turned up outside of their shop.

If she's honest with herself, she knows part of it is because she is still barely treading water with her own grief, hesitant to embrace any emotion beyond the unrelenting positivity and humor and playfulness that is seeing her through each day, allowing her to keep her head just barely above water after a year that has tried to break her in the cruelest and most unrelenting of ways.

But she is here now, with him, ready to be there for him in all the ways he has been there for her and then some.

When they arrive, she follows him quietly up his drive and through his front door all the way through to his kitchen, where he grabs a bottle of whiskey off of his bar and pours himself a glass, only then seeming to notice that she is there at all.

His eyes bore into hers, and Lucy can't quite tell if he is looking at her or through her, but she holds his gaze, unflinching.

Finally, he turns back to the bar, wordlessly pouring her a shot of tequila. He slides it across the counter toward her, lifting his own glass in a silent gesture of cheers before downing the amber liquid in one fell swoop.

Lucy questions momentarily if maybe this isn't the best idea — if adding alcohol to the intensity of the anger and grief and resentment that is still radiating off of him will result in anything other than regret.

But again, she opts to stay quiet. If this is what he needs in this moment, this is what she will give him.

She follows suit, wincing as the harshness of the liquor slides down the back of her throat.

***

They move out to the backyard, and she eventually loses count of how many shots of tequila she downs. Tim, who was apparently a bartender in another life, keeps a steady flow of booze in both of their glasses. Her best indication that she's probably had enough is the light and airy buzz that makes her feel like she's floating outside of her body. And she finally feels bold enough to say what she's been wanting to since the moment he had uttered those words to her in the hallway of the hospice.

The Tim Tests — those don't make me like him.

She's sliding her hand over his before she even fully realizes she's moving at all, "I'm so sorry, Tim."

He flinches at the unexpected contact, and she immediately begins to pull back, cheeks heating with the certainty that she has overstepped. He surprises her by catching her hand in his, halting her retreat.

Her breath hitches when he meets her eyes. It's the first time he's torn his gaze from the darkened landscape since they found their way out to the yard and he looks so sad, so vulnerable, that Lucy feels like someone is physically crushing her chest. She aches for him.

"I'm so sorry," she says again. "For what I said — about the Tim Tests, and for all of it, for everything you went through when you were a kid and everything you are going through again now. I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner, Tim. You never deserved any of it, and he was a monster for what he put you through."

He blinks rapidly and Lucy can see the glimmer of tears back in his eyes before he looks away again. "I don't know why I do it," he finally says, his voice brittle.

"Do what?" Lucy asks softly, her grip automatically tightening around his fingers as she works to keep her urge to comfort and console him in check.

"Maybe I'm just broken... I lied for him, covered for his affair. Lied for Isabel, covered for her addiction."

Lucy shakes her head vigorously, "No, Tim. You're not. You're not broken. You —" Her voice falters as her eyes well with the intensity of her emotion, "You would do anything to protect the people you love, Tim. That doesn't make you broken, it makes you human. It makes you more than human; it makes you wonderful and —" she stops short, feeling suddenly all too aware of her words as the confusing flood of emotion she is feeling toward him causes them to tumble out of her mouth.

"You weren't lying for your dad; you were protecting your mom, and you were put in a position that no child should ever be in. And yes, you may have crossed some lines for Isabel, but she was your wife. Anyone who can't understand why you did what you did — just — Tim, when it really mattered, you did the right thing for yourself and for Isabel."

His eyes find hers, and his lips curve slightly upward, "No thanks to my meddling, overstepping rookie, huh?"

Lucy's heart swells at the fondness in his expression, "I guess some things never change."

"I guess they don't," his voice is different somehow, huskier, and Lucy follows his gaze to their intertwined hands, warmth rushing into her cheeks as she realizes just how intimate the moment has become.

***

Let us know your thoughts so far... votes and comments are always appreciated!