Want You to Stay || Chenford / The Rookie

Part 19

It takes months to build a relationship. But unraveling one is always a quick and dirty business.

"You — you what?"

Ashley is staring at him from the other side of the couch, her eyes wide and her mouth agape.

"I slept with Lucy back in December," Tim repeats. He had woken up this morning with Lucy in his arms and knew immediately that he had to end things with Ashley. There was a certain relief in finally, finally being clear on what he was feeling — and what needed to be done. But that didn't make this any less painful. "It just happened the one time, and I thought — we thought it was a mistake," he continues, trying to explain in as few words as possible. Like that will somehow cushion the blow. "But I've realized —"

"Why the fuck are you telling me this?" Ashley is standing up from the couch, her eyes ablaze with anger as she moves away from him. She had stopped by before work to see how he was doing, a cup of coffee from his favorite place in hand. It's not like there was ever going to be a good way to do any of this, but the still-steaming coffee sitting forgotten on the table in front of him is making Tim feel even worse than he already feels. Which is like he's the shittiest man on the entire planet.

"I just felt like I needed to be honest with you," he says weakly. "That you deserved to know the truth."

"Oh, now I deserve to know the truth?" Ashley lets out a sharp, bitter laugh. "You lied to me for months, Tim. Made me wonder why you were holding back — why it never felt like you were ever truly in this with me. And it's because you weren't."

"I didn't —" Tim drops his head into his hands as Ashley cuts him off.

"You could have broken up with me in December. But you dragged me into this fucking farce of a relationship because you were too much of a coward to deal with your feelings for Lucy." Ashley runs a hand through her hair in frustration. "I almost asked you about her last night. All the stuff at dinner, the way I saw you looking at her when you didn't think I was paying attention. God, it all makes sense now."

"No — I really did care about you —"

"No one who really cared about me would ever treat me this way," she seethes, her voice thick with unshed tears. "And coming clean now doesn't make you noble, it just makes me feel even shittier," she adds after a moment, turning away from him to move toward the kitchen island, where her purse is sitting.

The stinging truth of her words hits Tim like a dagger. He stands up and starts to move toward her, then stops short when she flashes him a warning look.

"I'm so sorry," he says feebly, regret and misery and disgust at his own behavior mixing together to form a heavy knot in his gut. "I really am. I never meant to —"

Ashley pauses with her back to him, both palms flat on the kitchen counter. When she finally turns around to face him, her eyes are still anguished but her voice is more subdued. "Look Tim, I know you were dealing with a lot with your father, and that you still are... And I am sorry that you're hurting, but —" The emotion overtakes her, and she lifts her gaze to the ceiling to collect herself for a moment. Then she inhales a shaky breath, picks her purse up off the counter, and fixes him with a pained, yet determined stare. "But it didn't give you the right to treat me this way. Goodbye, Tim."

***

When Chris opens his door, Lucy is shifting her weight back and forth on her feet, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth and her fists balled at her sides. She had gone home and changed into a pair of jeans, but she's still wearing the rumpled LAPD sweatshirt, and the curls she had painstakingly styled for the gala are pulled back into a tangled bun.

"Lucy," he looks relieved to see her. "Where did you go this morning? I was worried when I woke up and you weren't —"

"Tim's dad died. I — I went over there to make sure he was okay." Her eyes are bloodshot from all the crying she has done in the past 12 hours. Lucy had assumed she had no more tears left, but she feels a fresh wave inexplicably start to pool. She's done lying, though. To herself and to Chris.

Chris closes his eyes as he absorbs the information. When he finally speaks, there's no anger or betrayal in his voice. Just dull resignation as he gazes at her. "It's not all history, is it?"

Lucy's face crumples as she lets out a strangled sob. "It's not."

Chris sucks in a sharp breath, like he knew what she was going to say but it still hurts like hell all the same.

"I'm so sorry. I never would have started this if — I really thought..." She's crying in earnest now. The pain in his eyes and the weight of everything she's done to put it there makes her feel raw and hollowed out.

He smiles glumly as she leans against the door frame, shoving his hands into the pockets of his suit. "I really thought this could go somewhere..." Chris trails off, his voice thick with emotion as he looks away from her.

Lucy opens her mouth — to tell him that she also thought this could go somewhere, that she didn't mean for things to go so terribly wrong. But her words won't change anything, and they don't absolve her of the utter mess she's made, so instead she just whispers again, "I'm so sorry, Chris."

He swallows as he shakes his head, like he still can't quite believe this is happening. When he finally looks at her again, he seems, for a moment, like he wants to say something. But then he just scans her face slowly, his eyes soft and sad as he takes her in. Finally he says, "I'll drop your stuff off at the precinct front desk."

Lucy nods meekly, stray tears still escaping down her cheeks. The conversation feels both unfinished and completely, utterly done, so she tamps down her urge to apologize again and instead just turns away to start down the hallway.

"I hope..." Chris calls after her suddenly, and she turns back around. He stops short, like he's mad at himself for saying anything at all. Then he tips his head back and sighs. "I hope you find what you're looking for. You deserve to be happy, Lucy."

Author's Note: Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! We actually came to really care about our versions of Ashley and Chris, so it was a smidge hard to part with them, but the heart wants what the heart wants. 🥰