Want You to Stay || Chenford / The Rookie

Part 21

Tom Bradford's funeral is a small, muted affair. A handful of distant family members and friends stand by the gravesite, their heads bowed as they pay their respects. Tim and Genny are up front, flanked by Tim's two nephews, who have somehow managed to stand still for the entire 20-minute service, and Genny's husband, who is holding Tim's niece in his arms, her ruddy curls dancing around her round face in the breeze.

Tim knows that Lucy is standing at the back of the small gathering. She had arrived just as the service was starting, her eyes uncertain as she clutched a bouquet of white flowers in her hands. He had caught her eye and given her a hesitant smile, and Lucy had smiled back shyly, but they hadn't gotten the chance to talk. Tim still wasn't entirely sure what exactly he wanted to say. With Genny and her family in town, and getting all of his dad's affairs in order, he hadn't had much time to think about anything else — including where things stood with Lucy. Still, he was glad she had come.

Tim shakes himself out of his thoughts and tries to focus on the priest, who is droning on about Tom's legacy. It's utterly ridiculous — the funeral home recommended this guy, and he never even met Tom — but Tim manages to keep his face neutral. He sweeps his eyes around to take in the scene and is momentarily struck by what a waste it all is. A whole life to live, and all his dad has to show for it is a smattering of half-hearted mourners and a eulogizer working off a list of hastily jotted-down bullet points. What a fucking legacy.

But then he sees Genny out of the corner of his eye, wiping away a stray tear with one hand as she tenderly smooths her other hand over her oldest son's hair, and Tim supposes maybe it wasn't all a waste. Maybe some good managed to claw its way out of the suffering, the way a stray flower sometimes bursts through a crack in the pavement. Tim lets out a long exhale and lifts his eyes up to the bright, cloudless sky, offering a silent prayer to whoever might be listening that his dad has finally found peace. Wherever he may be.

"...As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen."

Tim murmurs an amen in response to the priest's closing prayer, and the small gathering starts to quickly disperse. He and Genny are nodding goodbyes and thank-yous when Lucy slides up next to them.

"Lucy, it's so good to see you," Genny says softly, pulling her in for an embrace. "Thank you for coming."

"I'm so sorry for your loss." Lucy holds out the bouquet of flowers she is still holding in her hands. "These are chrysanthemums. It's a tradition in Chinese culture to give them at funerals."

Genny smiles warmly, taking the flowers from Lucy. "That's so thoughtful. Thank you." Genny glances toward Tim before adding simply, but earnestly, "I'm really glad you decided to come." She gives Lucy's hand a gentle squeeze, before releasing her and turning to greet another mourner.

Lucy turns her gaze to Tim, and he can see the swirl of emotion in her eyes — her concern, her uncertainty, her sadness — and he has to resist the urge to reach for her right then and there. He places a hand on Genny's shoulder and leans in to let her know where he's going, before he turns his attention back to Lucy. "Walk with me?" he asks simply.

Lucy nods, and they fall in step next to each other as they break away from the other mourners and make their way towards the paved path that winds around the cemetery. They walk in silence for a little while, no sound around them but the twitter of birds and a faint rustle of leaves in the breeze. Tim sneaks a sideways glance at Lucy, who is staring down at the pavement, occasionally kicking a stray rock with the toe of one of her heeled booties.

"How are you?" He finally ventures.

Lucy twists her head to look at him and exhales out a confused little half-laugh. "How am I? How are you?"

Tim slides his hands into the pockets of his black suit, his leather dress shoes crunching the gravel underneath them as he considers his answer for a moment. "I've been better," he settles on. "I'm okay, though. Having Genny and the family here — it's helped. But I'm – I'm glad you're here. I'd rather be talking to you right now than a bunch of strangers."

Lucy nods, but doesn't say anything. Tim can feel his stomach drop; she's never this quiet. "Lucy, are you okay?" he tries again. He wants to explain, to apologize, to thank her for the other night — to say so many things all at once that he has no idea where to begin.

She smiles, but it doesn't meet her eyes. "I'm okay," she lies. Lucy bites her bottom lip, and Tim can tell she's considering her next words carefully. "Is... Where's Ashley?" she finally asks, her voice faltering ever-so-slightly.

"She's not here. I – I broke up with her after..." He brings one hand up to rub against the back of his neck. "I'm pretty sure she never wants to see me again, which I can't blame her for," he adds dryly, an edge of self-loathing creeping into his voice.

"I ended things with Chris, too," Lucy says, and her voice is thick with emotion.

Tim can feel his gut twist. He stops walking; he needs to see her — needs to know what she is feeling.

"Lucy, I'm sorry. The other night — I put you in a terrible position. I didn't mean to mess things up between the two of you..."

She laughs, but there's a hard edge to it as she shakes her head, "Can we not — can we just not do this again?"

Tim sighs, thinking back to Lucy saying almost the exact same words to him the morning after they had slept together. He sighs, running a hand back through his hair, "We really made a mess of things, didn't we?"

Her eyes are brimming with tears, even as she laughs miserably. "We really did... and I — I feel like it's my fault." She lifts a hand to wipe at her eyes as the tears begin to spill over.