The Trials of That Thing We Call Love

Chapter 5

With not much time to spare until the hour of truth, (or move in day, as it was also known), after their realizations, there was no time to talk or address the massive elephant in the room. Cassidy and Abigail packed separately, because of the awkwardness and just over all tension from not discussing the way they felt. Despite both of them most definitely having things to get off their chests, they both felt the same way. They wanted a fresh start but they were scared to try. They were also scared to be alone – or was it they were both scared to be without the other? I mean, they had already convinced themselves that there were absolutely no romantic feelings between them, so why not say "I don't want to be without my best friend?" Why not say, "I love the life we have. I know we need another one, but I don't want to take that first step."

Why not say a lot of things?

The time for not talking and trying to avoid each other ran out on the morning of move in day. With the car loaded and a drive of just over an hour to their new school ahead of them, there was nowhere to go. The two were locked in a cell of awkwardness and the only way out was to break the ice and solve the issues.

Unfortunately, the two of them were the worst at starting serious conversation. Lucky for Cassidy, the only thing Abigail hated worse than awkwardness was the feeling that, most of the time she put in her own head, someone she cared about was upset with her. She always convinced herself that she'd done some horrible, awful thing and they hated her now in her mind.

Sitting in silence because neither wanted to touch the radio and be the first to turn on their preferred music, she boiled over and finally blurted out, "I'm a piece of shit and I'm so fucking sorry. It's okay if you hate me."

"Wait, what? Hate you? Why would I hate you? I mean, upset, sure, maybe, but hate? Now that's a strong word. I wouldn't use it for something so silly."

"You don't have to be nice. I'm a terrible person, I know it. I signed you up for classes, I made it to where you were rooming with your friends so you had to talk to them... I'm awful, just say it."

"You're not awful. You pushed me into doing something I wanted to do but was too scared of. I'm upset, but not really at you. I mean, kind of, because you went behind my back, but mostly me. But this is a new life, a fresh start, and we are gonna rock it. Wait, did you just say I was rooming with Chuck and Trent?"

"Uh..."

"What do you mean, uh?"

"Did you not already know that part?"

"No, I didn't already know that part!"

"See, you're angry! You hate me."

"I'm not angry at you. Once again, I'm pissed off at myself. For not taking the steps to mentally prepare myself for talking to my best friends, who I kind of abandoned and who have been trying to reach out and talk to me for months. Who haven't heard from me, aside from me popping in the group chat with a funny TikTok to let them know I'm still alive."

"You didn't give me the chance to prepare with Max and Liz."

"I didn't have to. You called them on your own."

"Well, sometimes things are best done in person."

"I'm not good with conversations, Abigail."

"You're talking to me just fine."

"That's not fair. That is clearly nowhere near the same thing. I've spent every moment with you for like, three months."

"Are you saying you'd just be friends with me because I'm amazing?"

"Wait, what? That doesn't make sense. You just said I hated you."

"So I was right?"

"No."

"So I'm stupid then. Got it."

"I didn't say that, either. I love them. I want to be their friend. I've missed them and I'm excited to see them. I'm just afraid. You're not stupid, I don't hate you, and I want to be friends with all of you."

"So you want to be my friend but you don't love me. Damn, getting friend-zoned hurts."

"AH, I can't win in this situation. I didn't friend-zone you."

"Oh, okay. So you want to fuck me, then?"

"Yes. Wait, no– I mean, what's the right answer?"

"Well neither, really, because if it's 'yes' then you wanna bang your friend, but if it's 'no' then you think I'm too ugly to bone, so..."

"Do I say 'maybe'?"

"I can live with 'maybe'. It's just open-ended enough that we were friends, so it would probably be a no, but I'm hot, so if you could look past the whole friend thing, you could pull off on the side of the road and we'd go to town. Right here, right now."

"Okay then, maybe. But like, what is the point of that? Do you want that?"

"Nah, I'm just busting your balls because it was awkward and I really don't know how to have a conversation either. So I just used girl tactics to overpower your mind and now you still don't know what's going on and aren't sure if you think that I think you hate me or that I think that you wanna sleep with me, or maybe both? Or that you're also unsure if I hate and or want to sleep with you? Man, emotional manipulation is a powerful tool. This thing could really fuck a person up. Thank fucking god I get a pass since I'm a girl and it's just my crazy emotions running wild again."

"What?!?"

"Wanna listen to music?"

"You're insane."

"Yeah, maybe, but aren't I cute?"

"I'm not falling for your girl tactics, whatever the hell that means. But yes, I would like to listen to some music."

"Okay, I'm into some 90s music. You like Nine Inch Nails?"

"They're alright I guess, didn't see you being into them. What song are you thinking?"

Abigail smiles at Cassidy as Closer by Nine Inch Nails begins to play.

"You know what? I changed my mind. I do hate you!"

"See? I fucking knew it."

The two couldn't help but to laugh at the pure absurdity of the conversation. Abigail was also laughing because her girl tactics had paid off, whatever that means. Or did they? I guess we will never know.

By the time they arrived at their destination, the pair had completely forgotten their fears. That's what a long drive with a person you truly care about can do for you. Windows down, music up, just being there in that moment with them. There's nothing like it. It's just a special feeling that can make your cares melt away.

But unfortunately, they never last long enough, and when the ride ends, all of your problems come rushing back to you all at once. Luckily for this pair, they made a promise to each other, but it was deeper than a promise. These two wanted to be bonded for life and were glad they would be able to by using a silly promise, a contract of words and trust.

That's why as they pulled into the parking lot of their new home, their new life, the place in which they would seek higher education, the pair looked at each other. Abigail with a smile, one of excitement and hope with just the right amount of thankfulness and sorrow. Cassidy returned her smile with one of his own, but his was one of fear, worry, and a feeling of being lost in a great big world. But he was able to show that in a smile, when most people could have only mustered a frown, because he had excitement. A hopeful excitement that this girl right here would help him find his way in this great big world. That in that adventure, through his new life, he would find that familiarity which would help him to never be afraid. With her, he knew he'd never be alone. That sentiment was validated as they opened the car doors, as the light of the heavens shone down upon them, almost as if to say that with this fresh start, you have been born anew.

Abigail turned to Cassidy and returned a line to him he had once told her and his smile changed to match that of hers.

"I'll never hurt you."

Abigail said as hand in hand, they walked through the front doors and into their new life.