OFF OF THE DEEP END | CHANGLIX ✔️

final: right person, wrong time

it's time to go // taylor swift

The Californian paradise didn't last forever. Only lasted through that fantastical week that seemed perfectly appealing to the two of them, a week where everything went right. But without it, life was flavorless. And the puzzle pieces of their hearts that connected so flawlessly under the golden rays of California's sun couldn't quite match up under Korea's grey skies.

Changbin hadn't seen Felix in months, ever since LA. He kept up with the idol's news, routinely refreshing news pages to make sure that Felix was doing well. Checking gossip sites was something he never thought he'd resort too, but he was simply desperate to gain some sign of the idol's wellbeing. The occasional texts from Felix came in every week or so, illustrating how busy the idol was. But the quality and repetition of the texts ebbed, until a 'how have you been' appeared only after weeks of Changbin's texts left on delivered.

But he couldn't help but think that Felix was perhaps manipulating his schedule to seem a bit busier so he could prolong the inevitable reunion with Changbin. It wasn't likely, but they'd had so many moments under the California sun that maybe Felix regretted it all. Maybe he accidentally kissed Changbin because the timing was right.

The most likely scenario was that it was a one time thing. Little sparks of desire hit a spurt of luck and transformed into a blazing fire that could only last so long before it overflowed and burned down. Temporary. Not a regretful event, just something that occured with the right ideology, with flawed execution and flawed people.

Still, the days at the bookshop were uneventful, void of curious masked celebrities showing up to ask for book recommendations and make vague statements about their personal life. Sure, he'd worked at this job for years, but after being suddenly catapulted into a much more interest life the bookstore just seemed more bland without the intriguing presence of Felix. Jisung and Seungmin tried their best to fill the void, and occasionally a good day would pass where laughing over the ridiculous shit the chaotic duo preformed would distract Changbin.

But he missed Felix so, so much. It was ironic that only when the idol departed from his life was Changbin fully able to grasp the depth of his feelings.

Changbin loved Felix.

And that terrified him.

Love had always been a foreign thing to Changbin. He'd dated around and occasionally engaged in relationships, but at the time when "like" started advancing into "love" was when it always ended. The chances of Changbin or the other breaking the relationship off was equal, but it still ended at the exact time.

Maybe Changbin was just incapable of being loved. This epiphany of his feelings for Felix at least showed that his heart was capable of feeling romantic love, but could he be loved by someone else? He hadn't been loved before, ever, so what were the chances of a celebrity breaking that barrier? Very, very little. As Jisung liked to say, as likely as a pig serving you toast.

From the frequent stalking of news articles depicting the daily life or updates on the idol, Changbin was finally able to grasp the capacity of sheer fame Felix had reached. It only trampled his newfound affections more, because how could someone that famous love him back? He'd known Felix was incredibly famous, but it was always hard to grasp that because his original perception of the idol was of a normal person, albeit a bit strange. Don't get him wrong, Changbin never fully forgot that the man he treasured was a celebrity.

But Felix was adored by millions. It was apparent on his socials, flocked with hundreds of thousands of comments spamming hearts or loving statements. He wasn't just any celebrity getting recognized every once and a while, he physically could not walk out in public without being swooned over, no matter the country.