impermissible (Charles Leclerc)

t w e n t y o n e

August 10th

"So you don't think he's going to join us?" I asked Charles, Matthew had asked us if we could have lunch with him today.

"I mean he hasn't said anything.. do you reckon we just order I mean it's been half an hour." Charles shrugged, so I gave in and called the waiter over.

"Hi can I have a glass of apple juice please?" I asked to which the waiter nodded, Charles asked for the same as he then walked away.

"You've caused quite the stir in the formula one world this week." Charles admitted as we referred to the photo of us together, my helmet not telling anyone who I was.

"My dad was talking about it at dinner, it's funny actually Susie really supports this girl." I spoke, using quotation marks around 'this girl'

We had to be careful as we were in a public space, so we spoke quietly "I know the circumstances of you joining the team weren't right at all but you're the best teammate I've ever had and the season hasn't even began yet."

"Keep the compliments coming." I joked as the apple juices came to the table of which I sipped on instantly.

He shook his head "I'd be here all day."

I laughed a little and covered my face "Never heard a teammate say such nice things about someone who beats them."

Charles scoffed and placed a hand on his heart "I take it back, I am officially offended."

"Good." I joked, "Maybe you'll be so offended that you stop racing and I will win easier."

He laughed a loud laugh, "I saw you aren't coming to training tomorrow so don't be so cocky if you aren't willing to train."

"Oh I can't have my birthday off can I?"

Charles' mouth widened "It's your birthday tomorrow? Why didn't I get told about this?"

I joked "Your such a fan I assumed you knew, Matthew knew, Fred knew come on Charles you're slacking."

He raised a brow "Well I haven't been invited to any birthday plans?"

"Neither don't worry." I admitted sipping again on my drink of juice, he asked confused "What you aren't doing anything?"

"No, it's not really a day anyone wants to celebrate so we just don't do anything." I told him but his face told me he wasn't understanding why.

"It'll be a year tomorrow." I mumbled.

He quizzed "I'm not following?"

"The crash, Lucy died a year ago tomorrow." I swallowed pushing the empty glass forwards as Charles remained silent.

"It happened on my birthday, um we agreed to go wedding dress shopping because my parents were setting up a surprise party whilst Lucy and I went out." I told him as I put my elbows on the table and sighed.

"So you aren't celebrating at all?" He wondered, "I mean, would you? I killed someone a year ago tomorrow it feels wrong to celebrate anything." I told him, Leonora has been begging me to have a party but I declined the offers.

He lowered his voice "I didn't know it happened on your birthday.. i can't even begin to imagine what that experience was like for you.. I'm really proud of you though after the trauma and the loss you're still here, you have impacted my life so much and you probably don't even realise that."

"Thanks.. can uh can we go home?" I asked him it was obvious Matthew wasn't showing up and I just needed to be out of public view.

"Oh shit if I've overstepped-

"No, can we go to your house? I don't want to go home...." I admitted and Charles nodded, paying for my drink before I even had the opportunity.

We arrived at his apartment after a fifteen minute drive, I kept my head down the whole way their as Charles' car was very unique and fans new of it well, I didn't want to be seen in his car.

I smiled entering his apartment, "Im thinking of getting an apartment soon, I can't stay with my family they're driving me crazy."

"I mean you're twenty two." He replied smiling as he locked the door. "My brother is twenty six and he still lives with us." I quipped.

Jokingly he said "Jack is twenty six?"

I rolled my eyes not entertaining in the slightest, "Do you want some food? I have been working on my cooking skills since you've last had my pasta."

"Oh really? Been cooking for many women?" I asked him leaning forward on his dining table, my elbows on the table.

He shook his head "Only my mum, she can't stand my cooking, she doesn't even pretend."

I laughed "Yours was nowhere near as bad as my dads don't worry."

"You don't have a chef?" He asked pretending to be shocked, "Oh no I do she was sick." I joked back, we've never actually had chef because its just a waste of money.

He chuckled and began cooking the food, "Accept this as my birthday gift alright?" He asked, as he began grabbing items from his fridge.

I smiled at him, "So your mum doesn't like your cooking what about the rest of your family?"

He explained "My brothers both hate it, but I'm the middle child so I'm convinced they just pick on me because they can."

"So you aren't just picked on by me?" I asked him snorting a little bit.

He rolled his eyes and sarcastically spoke "Oh you love me what are you on about?" He turned his back to me and continued cooking the food.

"You know sometimes I think I do." I admitted, not bothering to whisper as I wanted him to know the truth.

He paused what he was doing realising what I just said "Take it back before I get the wrong idea Evs." I stood up from the table slowly, "I would go back in time in a heartbeat, just so I could tell myself to go and find you sooner."

He kisses me first.

It's like an out of body experience, I can't believe this is actually happening to me. I can't understand what I did to make this possible, because I am not worthy of this.

His kiss is soft, his hands were tentative, one in my hair and one on my waist, but I wrap my hands around his neck and kiss him, really kiss him, and then somehow we're against the counter and we break apart, breathing hard and I stare at him like an idiot, my brain working to slowly to understand how exactly we got here.