Justin Trudeau Investigation Case: One-Way Ticket To Pluto

Chapter Three - Secrets of JT-69 Colonization Project

Ninth day on Rimworld,

 07th Aprimay, year 5501

"I'm telling you for the last time Dei, I didn't imagine you on that occasion!" 

"Sir, as convincing as you sound, I find it hard to believe since I can quite literally read your mind." 

"Excuse me Dei, but I am extremely sorry for you not telling me that information; that mechanites are fucking deviants. How is that my fault, sir?" 

"You are in charge of telling me everything I would be interested in. What moron thought a sexual need option was a good idea?" 

"Sir, there are several research laboratories and several development laboratories. The main ones are for most basic needs that colonists use for survival and upgrades, committing war crimes, or creating vampires. While the side ones are adding slice-of-life options, like Bad Hygiene Update, Industrial Expansion, and Romance for altering the erratic psychological behavior of the mechanites, because they can ask the same person to be their date, and get rebuffed, therefore, quite fucking up the mood of the colonists. And then, there's an unfortunate side-update called Rimjobworld."

"And then if you know all that, why do you blame me for having to satisfy the mechanites? Blame the idiot who decided to do that update and blame Justin Trudeau for allowing the main labs to use that update." 

"Sir, my main concern is not with you having to relieve yourself and using my voice as a main trigger, but for the love of God, I am not brunette." 

"Sorry, what?" 

"Sir, well, how do I put this? I am designed to look like Nancy Landgraab from the fourth installment of Sims." 

"... ... ... ... "

"Sir, please stop thinking."

Those days were pretty boring. Nancy Dei Landgraab said that for now there will be no danger, but the enemy forces will be preparing for several weeks and maybe even the entire Aprimai quadrum until they start the next attack. I didn't know what exactly I should be doing until then either. No sign or word from Jose and the others. Dei was unable to make contact with their touchpads, and the AI intended for them.

The only thing I could do so far was listen to Dei, and build the damn storehouse, because it seems to me the rice will ripen quickly, and there are wild strawberries ripening all over the forest that I could gather before I decide to build a kitchen. I could make a campfire and cook the food I will have, but I don't want to waste too much wood because I plan to build a generator to produce electricity, with which I would have enough electricity to build that refrigerator.

Although Dei advised me to butcher that raider's body, and make him a cowboy hat, French fries, and a decoration using his skull, which I only now realize was a mistake on my part, I felled wood all over the forest to make a warehouse, and an uncontrollably bad stench was coming from the direction of that corpse, moreover, it started to rot after three days. 

"Sir, I did advise you to eat that raider." Dei told me whenever I passed that path. 

"Can you shut down Dei?" 

"Depends, sir." 

"Depends on what?" 

"If my algorithm finds it quite amusing to be sarcastic or condescending, I am not to be shut down until I hear the tone of defeat in a person that I am mocking, sir." 

"When we get back to Earth Dei, I'll murder the man who made you."

And so my days went on, I talked to Dei about masturbation, her days during the first two expeditions, her taste in men, but she said she preferred women because her creator was a straight pervert with double standards.