Justin Trudeau Investigation Case: One-Way Ticket To Pluto

ACT II: Chapter Two - And The Year Has Just Ended

Planet Rimworld,

Milton Colony,

Decembary 15, 5501

Day 63 on Rimworld

We all sat collectively in the dining room, and talked about some stupid things, generally arguing with each other about what we were going to cook and how long we hadn't eaten human flesh. After we defeat Justin Trudeau, I want to be locked up in a maximum security cell for the things I've done on this planet.

We declared Jose the leader of this group, and for some reason, Dei suggested me as the moral compass of this colony, and everyone agreed. They probably want to put the full blame on me after we get back to Earth. Yet I was the one who started the slave-owning and cannibalistic fiasco. And I was the one who enslaved that Yttakin named Raul. I cannot describe the happiness that played in my head in this regard, as if I believed that men would see my power and my right way.

During the conversation immediately after Decembary 4th, we received an offer that Dei conveyed to us. It was about a chance for Jose to get some extra honor with the Exodus Empire, and to do the menial task of guarding prisoners who were involved in an Imperial scandal, and it took time for the dust to settle so they could return. The deal was one prisoner for 7 days. We added a prisoner bed after the Raul incident and sent their prisoner there.

Prisoners were easier creatures to work with because they couldn't escape. And if they try to escape, they will have to break down the door first, unlike the slaves who move around the colony demanding basic, human rights. Come on, human rights are just a myth people made up so they don't have to feel guilty about centuries of slavery. And not to talk about outdated jokes about the Geneva Convention. Shooting mustard gas on this planet, and ripping organs from human bodies is the story being told here.

But, let me return to the topic of that prisoner. Upon his arrival, I saw that he was not very clear in his head, as if he seemed confused and lost in space and time. We put him in the bed of the workshop, brought him food, water, and then we locked the door. Within a couple of hours, when Jose came to visit him in the morning, he was wandering around the room like a damned zombie, having no idea where he was.

"He looks like you when you get drunk." Jose began, inviting me to help him solve this problem.

"Jose, I don't look like I've been kidnapped by a goddamn wizard, I walk on all fours when I'm drunk."

"Whatever, you two seem the same to me, one way or another."

"I never imagined that I would have to literally be a compass to a man, especially a mentally lost one."

"Sir, he is not mentally handicapped, he is just dazed and confused."

"The fuck that means Dei?"

"He had a mental breakdown. The most annoying aspect of this planet and your mechanites, sir."

"Are you saying this is what a fucking mental breakdown looks like?"

"It could be several times worse, sir. For example, your mechanites could decide that it is time for a local, mental breakdown, and then decide to eat all the food you've stockpiled as a coping mechanism."

"Jose, if you eat all the food I cook, you'll be canonically fucked."

"First cook something edible that I could eat, then call me names."

"Fuck you, Jose...Dei, what do you recommend we do with this?"

"I'd say, sir, wait it out, there is no possible way of dealing with a breakdown. Not even Character Editor Update is capable of successfully meddling with the mechanites that caused a mental breakdown."