waiting for miracle

focus

The moment I started watching his show my heart forgot to beat at its own pace .I was scared .scared of what I might turn into. A.fangirl. I seriously don't want to be a fangirl for someone I like. All the episodes are over and I am waiting for new once . It was fine till 24 hours ,it was okay till 48 as I saw other shows he has worked in, 72hours I was watching his modelling shows and few short films and the fourth day enough. I need to know his name .I need to see him. I became so obsessed that I couldn't go a day without looking at his face. God seriously kill me !this is even worst. What the hell have I got myself into? Scrolling down I saw his name, comments of fans how crazy they were for him. Few comments made me feel sick in stomach I just wanted to throw out but hold on , my actions were more sickening than these comments. How can I be crazy for someone I hardly know ? In frustration I closed my laptop and went in kitchen to overeat. Eating makes me feel better when I am thinking too much when I am stressed. It was hardly anything to be stressed about but I was . My mind had a world of its own. Every dream of mine had him by my side . How can I be so stupid to not have a control over my life? This is how I wanted this to be but its idiotic. The guy has no clue I exist and I am such a bloody stalker . Whatsoever happens I won't go back to look at him. After having a bag of chips, two mangoes, a chocolate bar, a glass of milk, a tub of icecream my tummy finally felt it will burst so I stopped eating and went to sleep . An hour passed by it was 2am . Another hour my eyes are still open. Its 4 am I got up to pee and look at myself . My reflection was pale. Eyes bloodshot red, cheeks swollen, frown on forehead, I look sick. Lack of sleep, oxygen, water, blood everything was evident from my face. Yuck I seriously needed to stop it and take Care of myself. There is nobody to be blamed Except me .I am sick in head. After washing my face I opened my laptop , typed his name and started browsing through his social media profile. I have no self control.but this time I have decided,I won't be a dead body like I was before , I will look upto him ,.make him my inspiration!