waiting for miracle

watching my steps

It has become normal. We I mean Ryan and mini , and me , we guys meet every other day. Ryan is a busy person and twice or thrice a week Jordan visits us . Sometimes even smith
. During exams Jordan came everyday outside our college to meet Casey and mini. I was not his friend . He was not mine. We maintained a healthy distance. I had my reason . I for sure know he has his Reason too. Right now I am checking instagram updates of my crush , wishing someday I get to see him, someday he comes to know about me, someday we get to know each other better, someday our lovestory begins. As usual at minis place. Ryan's busy. Jordan , Casey ,smith and Taylor, a friend of Jordan is coming over. Who are these people? How come I am spending time with them. I seriously don't care. I was desperate . I stalked my crush and I have fell head over heels for him and now I have become a sad one sided lover. I walked over to mirror took out a cigarette , lit it, and started taking slow puffs. I started smoking few months before when I was partying with girls. Ever since than , I left over eating and started smoking to deal with my fear and stress and it helps. For me it does. I don't support it though. I never let anybody around me smoke. Its Shit and nobody should fall in it . Well for me I will quit I know I will soon. Mini handed me a bottle of beer she saved for me . I love her. She totally understands when I need to be high. I have to put something inside my body . And cigarettes and beer did the magic. I was laughing. I was feeling light. When her friends were finally here , I was straightening my hair without giving a damn about them. I just waved a hey to everyone and continued doing my rest of the hair. Jordan asked mini about her new haircut and she looked at me and told him that I did it. I Turned towards everyone and showed them my hair too, I had cut my hair in similar style, youtube teaches a lot. Jordan said I was really talented. It brought a smile on my face. When I was done i asked mini to light up a cigarette and pass it to me.
" she smokes?" Jordan pointed at me asking mini
"Yes I do"
" you look so simple and innocent but"
" I am simple and innocent and I smoke"

" she is not what she looks like, forget simple" mini said shooting daggers at me . This was my second cigarette and I can make out that she was not really fond of me smoking . I know the trick but,I went near her and gave her a tight hug, whispering it was my last one for the day and kissed her cheek
She smiled.
I climbed on the bed and sat beside Jordan that was the only place left. I recently heard that Casey was back with her ex and Jordan was single so a little flirting was not going to harm anyone. What I dint really paid attention to in my drunk state was I was wearing minis hot shorts. When I drink I become superconfident about everything. Smith sat beside Jordan, Casey and mini in front and Taylor beside me in this position I was hardly getting any room to avoid skin contact with Jordan. I was sitting cross legged so in order to make room Jordan moved his hands between my left legs knee gap and placed my leg beneath his smirking at me . It dint really bother me . I was busy talking to Taylor telling him how crazy I become when it comes to black current icecream. But I couldn't avoid it . Jordan was in shorts too so the direct skin contact was sending shivers down my spine. I was trying to behave friendly but I wasnt really able to hide the goosebumps that crept its way upto the back of my neck . I had to do something before someone notices my uneasyness. I lifted Jordan's leg "do you know how heavy your leg is ?"
" he has runners leg" Casey replied laughing.
Jordan was looking at me and I was lighting another cigarette. Realizing I wasnt even paying attention, he started cracking jokes . Thank god it was over. I was feeling bad , how can I let a guy get closer to me when I already like someone so much? I can't be that desperate, being drunk can't be an excuse , i know I had to maintain better control but I was proud , that sensation was so good I could have given up easily. atleast that jackass Jordan knows not to be oversmart with his moves in front of me now . This time I know we will never become friends . I know its not friendship that he wants from me.