Top Gun Rooster

Chapter 6: If I Lose Myself

I stared up at the sun
Thought of all of the people, places and things I've loved
I stared up just to see
With all of the faces, you were the one next to me
You can feel the light start to tremble
Washing what you know out to sea, yeah
You can see your life out of the window tonight
If I lose myself tonight
It'll be by your side
Take us down and we keep trying
Forty thousand feet, keep flying

"If I Lose Myself" - OneRepublic

Pete sat for a few minutes in his cockpit. He realized that he was embarrassed. He was embarrassed that he felt that he needed to show off. And for a fourteen year-old girl. And that he didn't even remember that Penny had forbidden what he did when he did it. The very thing that he felt was his strength had betrayed him. It was the thing that he had always prided himself upon. It was the thing that he was known for, and the thing that gave him his call sign. Maverick.

It was that independent streak, that willingness to buck the rules in order to get the job done. Or even if it was just because he wanted to. It was what got him respect from the guys, it got him attention from the women. It made him stand out. It made him special. But he lost the name when he retired, and that quality that served him so well for so many years, well, now it no longer seemed like an asset. But wasn't that who he was? If that wasn't who he was, who was he now?

He messed up. He knew that. This wasn't just some stunt fly-by to buzz the tower. Although he had gained points with Amelia, he had lost more points with Penny. Wasn't she the entire reason that he was trying to impress Amelia? And why was that so important to him what Penny thought? Hadn't he done just fine with just a smile and some convincing words? That wouldn't  fly with Penny though. She saw right through that. She always had. All the times he had messed up, and Penny, despite being tough, took him back.

Smoothing things over with a smile, and some halfway sincere words wasn't settling down. He admitted to himself that he was thinking of settling down, and that it was probably way past due. At some point, Penny would say "enough", and she would mean it. It might even be this time. He didn't want that to happen. What would he do if he lost Penny? He had known her for a longer time than he hadn't known her, and it would be devastating. But hadn't he lived his whole life without settling down? All he could think about was Penny's hand facing towards him as she walked away not looking at him. Hard stop. Maverick was not cleared to taxi. He was grounded.

He couldn't think. To be able to think, he had to get away. He had to do what he did best. And that was to fly.

He had a backpack packed in case he was staying over at Penny's. It had his overnight things in it. But that didn't mean he had to stay over at Penny's. He could go somewhere else. He grabbed the backpack and threw it on the jump seat. He checked his fuel, there was plenty after that short flight with Amelia, and got permission to take off. It was about an hour and a half to the Alameda Naval Station. He'd just get away for a little while and clear his mind. He'd come back, make sincere apologies, flash his smile and everything would be okay. He promised himself that he would never mess up again.

His phone rang. It was Penny. He looked at his phone as it rang with her number and debated what to do. He considered letting it go to voicemail, but his finger tapped the answer button.

"Pete," he answered.

"Hi Pete," Penny responded, "are you coming to dinner? It's getting late. Should we wait for you?"

"Oh hey, I was just about to call you," Pete lied. "Something came up, and I"m going to have to fly to the Alameda Naval Base. They have an urgent consultation for me, and they want me to be there."