Top Gun Rooster

Chapter 9: Runnin'

These four lonely walls have changed the way I feel
The way I feel, I'm standing still
And nothing else matters now, you're not here
So where are you? I've been callin' you, I'm missin' you

Where else can I go? Where else can I go?
Chasin' you, chasin' you
Memories turn to dust, please don't bury us
I got you, I got you

Runnin', runnin', runnin', runnin'
Ain't runnin' from myself no more
Together we'll win it all
I'm ready to face it all
If I lose myself, I lose it all

"Runnin' (Lose It All)" - Naughty Boy ft. Beyonce

Pete stood in the empty hangar where his beloved P-51 Mustang once stood. The echo of his footsteps were unnaturally loud to his ears when he walked around the space, slowly making his way. Although he had mostly recovered from the pneumonia, he was still being careful. The broken ribs still made him feel pretty stiff.

But it wasn't just the ribs that made him go slowly. He wasn't sure he was ready to be there. It had been a long time since he had been in the empty hangar, not since before he had the P-51, when he was looking for a space to house and maintain the plane he was planning to buy. If the hangar was empty, it was because he was in the P-51 flying, so he wouldn't be in the hangar when it was empty. Now the empty space wasn't just an empty space in the hangar, it was a hole in his heart. Everything else was there, his desk, the tools to work on the plane, the supplies for the plane. It was like a performance where the supporting cast was there but the lead performer hadn't shown up.

He felt out of place, even though his living space was still there, just as he had left it. He felt that he was healthy enough to move back into the Airstream, though. He didn't need Penny to help him now, even though he wasn't going full speed.

But he was without a plane. He wasn't flying planes in the Navy. He wasn't a test pilot or a fighter pilot anymore. He didn't have the P-51. He could neaten up his workspace, his tools and his desk, but what was the point? Who was he, without a plane? He couldn't answer that. Maybe he was nobody now.

Even if he were to empty out his bank accounts, he couldn't afford to buy another plane. Even if someone were willing to sell their historical aircraft, the cost of this plane these days would be multiple times what he had. There weren't many of these planes around anymore. He could buy a very nice house in the best area of San Diego for the cost of that plane. Sure, he would get an insurance settlement, but that was never as much as would be needed. He couldn't count on that, since the cause of the crash had to be determined, and he was still waiting to hear back about it.

He hadn't said anything to Penny about this, and Penny hadn't brought it up. She had never asked him what had happened that night, and he was grateful for that. He didn't think he could explain it even if he tried, and he didn't want to try. It wasn't something that he wanted to share, even with Penny. She seemed to know that. She had simply been there, supportive when he had moments of dark mood, and sometimes saying what needed to be said, despite it being hard to hear. Her being there helped him break out of it, just a little. Was it enough to be worth living? It wasn't just for her that he wanted to live. It couldn't be. That was too much of a load to put on a single person, and he still needed to have his own life.

There was also Rooster.

Rooster.

Pete had been too focused on his health to think about what to do about The Hangar, but now that he was getting better, he had the energy to come out to it, his home that he called The Hangar, and try to decide what to do. It was harder to face than he expected. When he was young, it was easy to do things without considering the consequence. He figured that he could just try things, and if he messed up, there would be time in the future to go back and try again.