Top Gun Rooster

Chapter 11: Let Me Drown

Been finding it hard to be kind
Since I've been lost out there, losing my mind
And I still keep on searching for what I can't find
Let me drown
Don't wanna wash you away
I swear there's good things that are coming your way
And I can't be the one left here dragging you down
Let me drown
I know with pleasure comes pain
I figured we were the same
But as I get older I get more afraid
Let me drown

"Let Me Drown" - Orville Peck

It turned out that there wasn't anything that Maverick could do to help Rooster and that just fueled Pete's frustration. Penny had reminded him that the only thing he could do was wait until they heard news. Even if Pete could fly out, he would never be allowed to go where this military mission was occurring. Even if he was allowed, he would never make it in time to do anything useful.

So there was waiting. Penny reminded him that this was something that women, old men and the young had done for generations while men went off to war, or went on adventures, or went sailing across the sea, any of those things that men did that put them at risk of never returning. Of course these days there were women going off on missions and going off to war, so now it went both ways.

"You think I never worried the whole time my father was on a mission?" Penny continued. "When you went on missions? Even though we weren't in touch at times, I heard when you were gone."

"You worried when I went?" Pete asked. "Even that last one, when I went with Rooster?"

"Especially that last one," Penny replied. Oh yeah. Pete remembered. He had known when he went on that mission that there was a good chance that he would not be coming back. He knew that he would sacrifice himself if a situation came up where he needed to do it in order to save Rooster. There was no question in his mind about that.

He knew that this mission would be his last, whether he survived it or not. Cyclone had told him that. He had seen in Penny's eyes, the night before he left, that she knew what he intended. She hadn't stood in his way. She hadn't said anything to make him regret his decision. She just supported him. Looking back, she had done the same for as long as he had known her, despite his being gone for months, even years. Even when she was married, and when he was still sowing his wild oats long after he should have been too old to be doing so. He had thought he was the strong one to be going off to fight, but maybe it took just as much strength to stay back.

It couldn't have been easy for her. He suddenly realized that he had hardly thought about how his actions affected those who cared about him all these years. He had new respect for her. She was a place of stability, whereas he was a leaf on the wind.

"So how do you stand it?" Pete asked, feeling how naive it sounded. He knew Penny wouldn't mind. Penny shrugged.

"You could ask other pilots who are retired. As for myself, I try not to think about it. I hug my daughter. I stay busy."

Pete looked for a way to be busy. "So what else needs to be done?" he asked, looking around The Hard Deck. "Mind if I stay?" It would be easier not to worry if he had company.

"There's always something to be done," Penny said, looking around.

Pete stayed that afternoon, and while Penny went about the business of running the business, he found assorted things to do to help out. When there was nothing left that he could help with, he went for a walk on the beach. For the next few days, he went to The Hard Deck with Penny. He helped her set up the bar and the restaurant. Then when he was no longer useful, he went for a run, or went to the MWR, the military gym, and exercised. Although he was retired, they allowed him to use the facilities.