Texas Forever

Chapter 35

Koe the girls and I rode the bus home to back if for tour. Koe needed more clothes and I had to pack for the girls and I also we had to get groceries.

At home

"My goodness baby... you got enough stuff?" He asked me

"Honey. You have to pack a lot when you have a child... we have 2!" I said

"Mmmm yeah your right. I'm not used to this kind of thing" he said

"Well you're about to be!" I told him

"Baby...." He started

I turned to look at him. I couldn't tell his emotions
I couldn't tell what he was thinking or about to say.

"What is it?" I asked.

He looked away from me and down at the floor as he sat on one of the bunks.

I got up and sat beside him. "What is it? You know you can tell me" I said

"I know baby. And I'm trying to. Just promise me you won't get mad or leave. I'm trying to do the right thing." He started and my heart started pounding.

"I started smoking again and it got bad. Like really bad.... I was so out of it I blacked out. Dre found me passed out in a locker room in a stadium....." he was telling me and I was getting more and more mad at him but felt good to hear it from him

"The ambulance came and I stayed at a hospital overnight. I had alcohol poisoning and cocaine in my system...".

At this point I'm furious! But I let him finish talking

"They treated me and let me go the next day. I want to change. When I'm with you I'm good but I have no clue what came over me that night. It really scared me and the others and I don't want it to ever happen again. That's one reason I want y'all with me all the time. So I can see what I have and know y'all are here with me and support me"

He finished telling me everything.

I just stared at the floor. I wanted to scream and yell at him and run off but at the same time I didn't.

We sat in silence for a for moments

"Baby say something please?" He said

I looked up at him hurt written all over my face and I know he could see it.

Just then I saw zachs truck pull up. He took the girls for ice cream.

I went to stand up and he stopped me

"Let's talk about this while it's just us, please" he said

"Koe. I don't know what you want me to say. I'm really really hurt. You are a husband and a father now. You have to think about us. If you don't want to think about me that's fine. Atleast think of your two babies who absolutely adore their daddy. They cry a lot of night wanting you. And I can't call you because different time zones or because you won't answer. Or they will be playing and say wish daddy plays" I took a pause to hold back my tears

"I know you are living your dream... and I don't want to stop you, I'm not going to stop you. I'm living my dream as a photographer, a wife and a mom. But I want my husband. I want the boy that I feel inlove with a long time ago. The man who gave me his hand in marriage the man who made me a mother.

I tell you everything. But you can tell me you're on your death bed? Why didn't you tell me?? I would have liked to known what was going on!"
I said as I held back the tears

"Baby I didn't want you to worry. You were far away and you had the girls I didn't want you to worry about me." He said

"Roper.... I worry about you all the time. Even when we were kids I worried about you. Because I love you we vowed to be with eachother in sickness and health. For better or worse. Im your wife I'll be by your side no matter what but I can't be left out of things like this. We had a great week at the beach and now you tell me? Im glad you finally told me but that not the point." I said