The book of life: Evolution of my self through incarnation 33

Redefinition of success

For a long time and still up to the time of this writing, definition of success in human society is generally correlated with money, material possessions, marriage, titles, grades, points and careers.

And, if for some reason, that doesn't make one happy, one is instructed to go see a doctor whose magical pills will make it all easier for one to suffer through.

Living in such systems, naturally, I was also trained to follow the path of such success.

But, following that path, although I did feel some satisfaction in earning my first money, with more and more of such success I was feeling less and less satisfied and more and more depressed. On top of that, during my marriage, I was becoming less and less synchronized with my wife. All that was making me miserable. The worst part was that this depression was affecting my intelligence. Even my passion for programming waned, which wouldn't be a problem was it replaced by a passion for something else.

But it didn't at that time.

Eventually, even my marriage broke up and I felt like dying, being occasionally brought to life by the presence of my child.

The other thing that kept me going were walks in the woods and mountains, often with a search for mushrooms. I was slowly learning more and more about nature.

But living close to my ex wife and all the things I was supposed to left behind me, it was hard to focus on now, instead of bringing the past from subconsciousness into focus.

Coupled with the fact that my work was gone and I needed money to support the child, that resulted in a move to Zagreb. A place not close to my ex wife but also not too far from my son.

This indeed proved to be a good decision for my health (although I am now convinced this move was synchronized with changes in my organism and consequently improvement in health).

In any case, this move could not have been avoided.

Ever since I was a child, I always felt that one day I am going to achieve something significant and I felt this was going to be the understanding of the universe. The problem is, the system trained me to concentrate on its definition of my success (which conveniently can be exploited by it) and, even though I always followed science and occasionally contemplated on the universe, I never had the time to fully focus on it and do work which would actually make me feel happy.

I realized I have to change that. That is why I didn't search for high salary, but a job easy for me to do and also one with no overtimes and high pressure.

The job at NSK was perfect for that. And even though I had to be there 40 hours per week, since the job was not very challenging for me, there would often be time for me to work on my theories beside doing the job for them.

Finally, now I felt I was on the path to success. I still had a job so I still wasn't successful, but I knew I will eventually quit jobs so I can do satisfying work.

Two years after, I did that, eventually I felt my theories were mature enough for publishing so I have created a website where I started presenting my works.

However, I was in a different state at the time and after I got out of it I realized the work is actually far from being mature. This wasn't a problem as I wasn't really advertising the work and apart from occasional glimpses by a friend or relative who generally don't read it all and don't understand most of it, there are no human visitors.

It's been now almost 6 years since I've started working on all that is on the website but I have no plans to actually publish any of it in any journal (I did try a couple of times earlier though), after all, I'm still doing updates.

I might self-publish some of the work as books somewhere but I'm in no hurry to do that. This never was about the world and I'm not interested in fame although I wouldn't mind getting something back from those who do find it useful.

In any case, I am convinced the local universe has already found a way for this work to reach my next incarnation, if one more of me is destined, once again, to roam the surface of this perfect child we call our planet.