The book of life: Evolution of my self through incarnation 33

The love story

At the end of high-school, the class traveled to Lorret de Mar, a coastal town in Catalonia, as part of our last high-school excursion.

I never was in a relationship before, but I had strong feelings for one girl from the class for quite some time now.

And since this was probably my last chance to do something about it, somehow I managed to ask her out.

We went to a local bar near the beach and sat by the table in the back. She was sitting opposite to me. I believe we were drinking tequila, and even so, it took some time for the first kiss, perhaps because she had to initiate it, as up to that point I had no experience and was still shy around her.

She put a lemon in her mouth and suggested me to take a bite, so that's how our first French kiss started. After we were done, all people in the bar started cheering and clapping hands looking at us. Confused, we looked at the bartender and he said we were kissing for half an hour. It was some kind of a record I guess. Of course, we were not under the impression it was that long.

Smiling, we left the bar and started walking by the beach. Sure enough, there was a guy with roses, and soon enough, I was a guy buying roses, for her.

Hugged, we continued to an old castle by the sea and sat on the staircase there beneath the open sky, looking at the sea. The night was calm.

At one point, she fell asleep in my lap. Everything was perfect.. a moment for forever.

Some time later my leg started to hurt and soon went numb. But I couldn't do anything, I didn't want to disturb her and wake her up.

A couple of hours later she woke up. It took a while before I could walk again, she felt sorry, but I don't remember the pain I remember love, the happiness I felt.

Some might say I sacrificed myself here, but there is no sacrifice in true love, where all such pain has no choice but to be imaginary.

Sacrifice is real when one remembers pain and has no choice but to forget love.

This love was not to forget, and even though we broke up a couple of years later, I had no regrets, apart from me being stupid enough to break it.

But that's how it had to be.

I eventually got married with someone else and she did too.

I spent 10 years in marriage with a woman I thought I loved but it probably was true love only for a couple of moments in every hour. It's strange but I think I actually love her more now that we're not together. Not in a way that I'd like to be with her again, but I love her as a person and a mother of my child, someone I shared history with and who had some influence on me.

But these two relationships are a good example of karmic actions and reactions.

In the first one, my love was at first surprised I want to be with her - other girls were interested in me and she thought she was not good enough for me, that I will get bored with her eventually. I thought that was nonsense and it was very obvious I wasn't interested in anyone but her. But two years later that's what has happened.

Some time later I wanted us to get together again but she needed time, we went out of sync in our feelings and it failed.

In my second relationship, at the beginning I was now acting somewhat surprised and I told my wife she will leave me eventually. I didn't really know why I said that, but she thought that was nonsense. It was indeed obvious she was only interested in me at the time, but ten years later, that's what happened.

Some time later she wanted us to get back together again but I needed time, we went out of sync in our feelings and it failed.

My parents did not approve my 1st relationship, because of religious differences, or at least that's what they said. I was a forced Roman catholic and she was of a religion typically associated with our neighboring country - one we were at war with recently. They were concerned what people would say if we would get married.

I couldn't understand that - how can someone's opinion be more important than our happiness? Of course I ignored their opinion and that was just another moment when a certain amount of feelings was lost for my parents.

During my education, my mother was always concerned with my grades due to a fear of wasting money and talent, while my father was concerned with how my grades affect his pride and reputation.

They didn't have any interest in my feelings. So, naturally, a lot of my feelings for them was lost over the years.

They did care for me very well, but they didn't love and respect my nature, at least not for the first 35 years.

But that's how it had to be.