oneshot | boynextdoor

even if // p. sungho ft. haewon

» Inspired by Even If This Love Disappears from the World Tonight

What would you do if every morning you woke up with a blank slate, your memories from the previous day wiped clean, leaving you disoriented and confused?

Imagine the emotional toll of having the same conversations over and over again, like a broken record that you can't escape from.

To cope with this condition, I started keeping a diary. It's a way for me to piece together my life, one day at a time, ensuring that I don't forget the people and experiences that matter most to me.

The cause of this condition? A car crash from my childhood that left me with a rare form of amnesia. Strangely, I can recall memories from before the accident, but anything after is lost to me.

Only my parents and my best friend, Haewon, are aware of my situation. Haewon is my lifeline, my connection to a past that I can't remember but desperately want to hold on to.

Park Sungho, the new boy in class. He's very popular. Yet, I know that by tomorrow morning, he'll be just another face in the sea of students that I can't remember.

But fate has a funny way of intervening. Just days after his arrival, we find ourselves in a conversation. He's lost and looking for the teacher's office.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" he begins.

"Sure," I reply, curious.

"Do you know where the teacher's office is?"

"You don't know?"

"No, I forgot," he admits, a hint of embarrassment coloring his features.

"I'll take you there," I say, offering a small smile to reassure him. Despite my memory issues, I can still find my way around the school. You know... muscle memory.

"Here we are."

Months have flown by, and my diary is now filled with pages upon pages of memories involving Sungho. He's become a constant presence in my life.

But as the days turn into weeks and weeks into months, I can't shake the fear that my secret will eventually be revealed to him. How long can I keep up this?

How long before Sungho realizes that each day is a new beginning for me, a chance to start anew with no recollection of the days that came before?

Seven months later...

I woke up that morning, something felt different. My mind was clear, unclouded by the usual haze of confusion that greeted me each day. Memories from yesterday flooded back vividly.

In a state of disbelief, I jumped out of bed and raced downstairs to find my parents in the kitchen. "Oh, you're up? Good morning," my mom greeted.

"M-Mom," I stammered, struggling to find the right words. "I remember it. I remember everything that happened yesterday."

"Oh dear-"

Without wasting another moment, they brought me to see a doctor.

"It seems that your memory has started to stabilize,"

Meeting Haewon later that day, I couldn't wait to share the news with her. "It's true, Haewon. I remember everything," I said.

Haewon's eyes welled up with tears, but they weren't tears of happiness or surprise. Instead, there was a hint of sadness.

"That's wonderful, truly," she said, forcing a smile. "I'm so happy for you."

Despite her words, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was amiss. "She's hiding something, I told myself.

One day, while cleaning out my room, I stumbled upon a diary that I had never seen before. Its pages were filled with familiar handwriting, detailing moments and memories that were foreign to me.

Among the entries, one name stood out: Park Sungho. The name appeared repeatedly-almost every page. I went to ask Haewon, demanding an answer.

"Haewon, I found this diary, and Sungho's name is all over it," I said, showing her the diary in question. "Who is he? Why can't I remember him?"

Haewon's eyes widened momentarily, a flash of panic crossing her face before she regained her composure. "Sungho? Oh, he was just a classmate from high school. The three of us were friends."

Her words sounded rehearsed, her gaze avoiding mine as she spoke. Something wasn't adding up, and I knew it.

"But why can't I remember him? It says that he knew about my condition, yet I never saw him after regaining my memory?" I pressed, my voice tinged with frustration and confusion.

Haewon sighed, her shoulders slumping as she seemed to weigh her words carefully. "Look, it's complicated. Sungho... he meant a lot to you. But things happened, and you two drifted apart."

"I need to know, Haewon," I said, my voice trembling.

Haewon looked at me, her eyes filled with a mixture of sadness and regret. "I know, and I'm sorry. I'll tell you everything, but you have to promise me one thing: no matter what I say, you won't let it define you. You've come so far, and I don't want this to set you back."

I nodded, my resolve strengthened by her words. "I promise."

"He was a transferred student, you two got along very well. Your condition... I don't know how, but he knew." Haewon trails off, suddenly, she begins sobbing.

"He.. he was gone before you could remember him... He was also the one who thought it's better for you to not remember him at all. He knows his time was coming, so he asked me to erase all of his traces he ever left in your life."

"Instead of being scared or confused about your condition, he was understanding. He wanted to be there for you, to support you in any way he could."

"He had a terminal illness. He didn't want to burden you with his condition or his impending departure. He thought it would be easier for you to move on if you didn't remember him at all."

"He asked me to erase all traces of him from your life," Haewon continued, her voice trembling. "But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I kept the diary as a reminder of the memories you shared..."

"...even if you couldn't remember it."